Old habits tend to die hard!!

It sucks when you get bored...and think to entertain yourself...with foolish situations...with people you should keep at least 500 hundred feet away.

Lately my life consists of the basics. Fulfilling but not provacative. I should be enjoying the peace more than I am, but an itty bitty part of me (not my titties for you jokesters), is looking for something. What, I don't know.

I know I shouldn't be looking in the direction of Mr. Psycho Duck, or any of the Nigerians listed in my phone as "Don't Answer", or Shortie Glow. But sometimes when I'm not eating,sleeping,reading.surfing,dancing,talking....u get it...my evil mind plays tricks on me and encourages me to stir it up. TRAGIC. I blame my imagination on my only-child-existence.

Mr. Psycho Duck brought a lot of heaven and hell in my life,nothing in between. Black and white and no damn grey. Decided to reach out to him after I found out, well he informed me he knew of my blog. (and he's killing me at 29,tear) Found out more about his adventures with his dick while we were in our "situation." Found out 1 situation that actually hurt. I planned on fun convos and more proof he is truly psycho. But what I got was a realization of what our "situation" really was,basically his funny story/my tragedy. So...I learned...curiosity is a killa...and Mr. Psycho Duck's is a career mind fucker. That is not a compliment Kendrick.

The Nigerians...well they are a group/gang/organization in Dallas. Drama is what they brought to my life and continue to do so. I know not all Nigerian men are like them: obsessed, aggressive,mean,controlling,extremely passionate,gossipers...But there were times I felt safe, happy and even lucky with them all in the mixer. Saw Shortie Fat Fuck/Shortie Doo Whop and it was so uncomfortable. It's taking all of me to not make it easier, call him, listen to his argument,turn it around on him, and WHALA! But I've learned....thru many signals/signs/events, that I would signing over my honor (couldn't think of another word lol). So I haven't made the call,thanks to the groceries I just bought,so lets hope I remain smart.

Shortie Glow has a crush on me. Has had one for a long time. I used to, but the chemistry wasn't there. We went on a date, spent the whole day together, went to sleep,nothing happened,nothing was tried,and everytime thereafter we ran/run into eachother it's weird. He throws parties and has never put me on the list, hooked me up in some kind of way, or even like a drink. But when the All White Party came around, he told me days later he wouldve put me on the list, which meant I wouldn't have had to pay 100. Umm late! And if he wanted me there, could you invite me, say you want to see me, anything? Not saying I deserve it but damn can I get an offer? I don't know if it is the race difference but he steps to me like a nervous middle schooler. I need a guy to talk it straight, not beat around the bush or be scared to flirt/engage/entice/shit something...People I am thinking of testing him out. Even though I know a lot is missing between me and him. I haven't gotten a free dinner lately,ohh that's bad to say,lol. Great to have someone into me, but I want to be into them. I don't want to play and pretend, I want to enjoy and have fun.

I know I need to stay away from the above subjects. I know that I am too addicted to this honey butter I just got. I know I am a work in progress and this blog is my outlet.
But...........

Another Step...

I saw someone from my past on Sunday. I was only official with him for about a couple of months, but he made such an impact on me.



It was The Gentleman....(NewYork Guy for those that know)



I saw him in BeBe at Northpark Mall.



All I could do was stare, question if that was him, return his smiles, and just stare. So immature and middleschoolish I know, but man oh man.



Of course I gave the signal of "come here." He began to walk towards me and his female (that I hadn't noticed) said, "come look at these sunglasses." So he gave me some type of signal (don't know what it meant) and weird smile and walked over to her. Of course my stubborn ass didn't decide to wait and see their connection, or what sunglasses she was eyeing, so me and Light Bright left the store.



I was in total shock the rest of the day. Couldn't believe the one person I truly tried to open up to , was a few feet away from me.



I saw him later that evening in a parking lot. We have a mutual friend, SirMixAlot, and I was told to come over.



I didn't, even thou I wanted to run over in my new "candy apple red 5 inch heels" and flirt and smile and flirt and smile.



I couldn't run to him, like showing him how much I miss him and want him back in my life. I felt like he could come towards me, get my number, call me, make some effort. He did me bad, and I just think it's his turn.



Well, he is still in town, and I will probably run into him again...if it is fate. Maybe next time I see him we will actually just say hey, maybe have a mild convo. I'm not expecting to be his baby mommma or anything like that, but to hear his voice would be nice.



It's crazy that an enounter with someone, that lasted only a couple of months, got me all twisted something serious.

KENDRICK ....MY ETERNAL STALKER

Background:

I approached him. I flirted my ass off, because something about him I just had to have. Big mistake. I should've known then. Usually the dude comes up to me, but 2 years ago yall, I tried something new (last time I ever approach a nigga).

We ended up creating a situation between the two of us. I enjoyed him, came close to loving him! But of course it ended badly. Really bad.

I'm not going to put all the blame on him, because I did the fool myself.

But what I can say, is that I ended conversation between us. Of course it was hard, because I truly liked him.

Not only has he harassed me thru text messages, phone calls, he even got a chick to bother me as well. Like what the hell? Was it that good? According to him, I am like the shit at the bottom of his shoe.

I thought he had given up...........

But I opened up my myspace and recieved this shit?!! BEWARE, THE SHIT IS OFF THE CHAIN RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

The off the chain ridiculous shit:

Coach DENNIS
Date:
27 Feb 2008, 01:05 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]

Date Sent: 27/02/2008 1:05:00 PM

Body:Before I completely cuttoff communication with you, I felt compelled to tell you this. I knew about the crabs you received from Braxton when you first visited him at his "new at the time" apartment. I never wanted to tell you about this face to face because I knew you would have gotten embarassed, however I thought that before I kick rocks I would just let you know that I was aware of it.

ex ex boo

MY REACTION:

1. If you have had an enounter with this gentleman, experienced one with him with me, or heard of mine, the shit is funny and desperate! lol



2. I have never had crabs or any sexually transmitted disease. I get checked and try to be as responsible as I can. Is this the best he can do to get a reaction out of me?



3. The time frame was 2 years ago. Who waits 2 years ago to inform some business as important as this?



4. Why did he continue to have a relationship with me, continute to have sex with me, if I was carrying an STD? Was the sex that good, he would put himself at risk to? Or maybe he just likes.........iillllllllllll........lmao
   


5. Who says "kick rocks?"



6. Is this something you say on myspace?



7. I swore I blocked him on myspace, so how he was able to send a message...idk....kind of crazy!!!!!!!!!!



8. When I ask you in more ways than one to leave me alone, why keep pushing at me?



9. Yes TM that is his picture



10. When will ex's stay "x" out of my life?

IRRITATED!!!!!

What do I have to do to get this individual to leave me alone?

The nigga is crazy! Crazy enough to wait 2 years to tell me a lie, damn what's gonna happen the rest of the year, lol, well more material for my blog!

Now I got to block this nigga again on myspace (already been blocked on facebook for a minute)! Taking up seconds of my time, tear!

Like Baby D said, he's trying to hurt me and get a reaction out of me....but damn give up!

But at the end of the day, I walked into his crazy insanse indifferent world. I had a feeling to get out, but my dumb ass stayed. And because of it, he is with Braxton in my top 10 mistakes of all time. Actually Kendrick is #2. Yep, yep, yep, mistakes I can't repeat lol!

So Kendrick if you read this, it doesn't matter what you say or do, how you feel about me, just leave me alone! We are not good together, actually quite toxic. I have apologized for the mistakes I made, you have too, let it be, let it go! Telling me you missed me didn't get me back, and telling me I had crabs 2 years ago won't get me back either. So "kick rocks!" I am assuming that means "goodbye," if it doesn't....GOODBYE

SONG: I Always Feel Like, Somebody's Watching Me by MJ

His Titties Are Bigger Than Mine.....

His name is Braxton. He is my ex that I wish I would've never began a relationship with. I view him as one of my top 10 mistakes I've made. And I have made alot, so for him to be in the top 10/top 5 well.....whew hoo. Wish we would've remained good friends, cuz his ass is too damn much!

Over the years, with his domestic-live-in-gal, he has gained a considerable amount of weight. To the point his titties are a boderline C-cup. If you know me, you know I don't have alot to work with, look at the picture. I am ok with my small cookies, but I cannot be attracted to someone and their breasts are making mine looking crumbs.

But what disgusts me is that, he thinks there is still a chance. That I am still there, will always be there, that I am still attracted to him. Even thou he is in this commited relationship. Niggas make me sick sometimes.

Have I given him a glimmer of hope, HELL NO!!! First of all, I don't like to share, I am an only child.

I've been trying to be friends with him, but it's not working. He slips up and tries to flirt, tries to see me, tries to wiggle his fat self back in. But no no no, I keep them damn walls up. I refuse to get caught up in some mess, because his gal isn't completely keeping him at attention/happy/satisfied/full/challenged/interested.

The last time (for good)I allowed this nigga to fuck with my brain cells was when I had the flu (like 3/4 weeks ago). He tried to call over and over again, I refused to answer. So he texts, I text back I have the flu holla at ya another time. This negro has the nerve to get offended and hinted that I didn't have the flu. That I've probably been talking to other mothafuckas....NIGGA HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GOT DAMN MIND LMAO. We are not together! He is so got damn selfish, that my flu was somehow about him. He didn't even ask if there was anything that he could do, if I was ok, nothing....tear!

It used to be entertainment. But shit, I'm getting older and somethings just isn't funny or worth my time.

CONCLUSION

I am proud to say, I put my foot down and asked him to leave me alone for fucking all time. I don't need toxic people like himself in my life. I wouldn't put up with it from anyone else, so what is special about him...not a damn thing.

1. Blocked him and his chick on all avenues on the internet.
2. Attempting to get his number blocked, but AT&T is giving me the runaround, but still labeled his number as "Don't Answer" so I won't see it pop up, just like all the other "Don't Answers" in my phone.
3. He is an ex, and needs to remain an "X" in my life.
4. I can't make a friendship work with someone who has a different idea in their head.
5. I deserve respect!
6. I just can't have contact with a male who has bigger titties than me. It makes me look down at my chest, of which I can see my shoes below.....TEAR!!!!!

WHO IS WILLING TO DONATE TO MY BOOB JOB???!!!!!!!!! LMAO

Song: If it isn't love by New Edition