Duped

I got duped by someone I care about recently. Getting duped messes with your ego, your thoughts, hell even my appetite (had some freaky cravings).

Maybe I shouldn't have cared to the limit that I did, maybe I should have been more sharing with my true feelings...either way....

I learned something :)

I know now I need to be more present in situations. I need to not be afraid to be honest with my feelings. Sacrifice a little pride. Trust.

Sometimes I wish I could just read it in a manual, or have a little post it note left on my mirror. The tears, the confusion, the silence could have been avoided, well I would have preferred it.

Suffer thru the experiences to gain valuable lessons?? Completely worth it.

If I could tell him the truth without looking desperate and pathetic I would. I tried putting my words together and my friends were like....you know what makes you look like...tear smh...erase*erase*erase* lol

I'm not gonna waste my time and energy bashing him, blaming him. That does nothing but take time away from me making the necessary changes in myself. All I can say is I appreciated Bootsy's presence in my life and it will be missed. It is what it is.

No regrets, just more memories.

But go ahead to Walmart and buy some Peanut Butter Fundge No Bakes!!!!!!!!

A Single Creepy Story...

couple of nights ago a friend of mine asked me to go with her to her friend's birthday party. Of course I said yes because I needed to be distracted from sitting in the house, thinking about this and that (check 2 blogs ago).

We arrive and are introduced to this decent looking Australian men. Now usually I'm attracted to every Australian man I meet, but this one had more of a body of 17 year old British guy. Not my type. I like a man to have dark skin whatever race/ethnicity he may be.

He was very flirtatious, which was nice, and didn't mind throwing a compliment or two my way (much needed/much appreciated).

It was when he went to get a glass that he rubbed up against my butt. I'm assuming it was his first big real bootie experience. He turned around and was like, "omg, your bum its so.....omg its real too....its soft and wow"

Of course my friend and I are dying laughing at this point. But I'm also thinking in my head, "hmmm, he can appreciate my pear shape....think about it, consider"

Then he just had to ruin my moment.

Creep factor went up 10k points when he decided to do a double grab on my friend and I....she had on short shorts, I had on a skirt. INAPPROPRIATE. THIS IS NOT A BUFFET OF ASSES.

The rest of the evening consisted of me sitting down every time he came near, not listening to his compliments and trying not to be like "FUCK OFF."

As we made our exit, who do you know follows us in the parking lot, Creepy Australian guy does. And then once again tells me about my "bum." And once again goes too far and grabs me saying, "did you drive." As if I would say "YES DADDY" and follow him to whatever destination he had planned.

Being single I try to keep my mind/eyes open to different possibilities...but that was not an option for me...but I will refer to my ASS now as a BUM....

I didn't know.....

So....I've exhausted every avenue of dealing with this issue (a person of interest.) I decided to blog about it because maybe getting it out and reading it back will get me to some point of conclusion or direction.

I care for dude, genuinely care for this dude. (I'm only saying dude cuz I'm not going to say his name)

Days have gone by with no communication and I don't understand why. There was no argument, altercation to lead to this. Mind you we talk all day everyday. If its through phone calls, texts, pictures, tweets, emails...something. And now nothing is a mild form of torture (mental anguish). Especially with all this time I have on my hands.

Don't get me wrong, I've tried to keep busy as hell. Working out, getting on my moms nerves (lol), reading, playing with the dogs, doing favors for folks, running errands, reaching out to friends, cleaning....etc

Of course I've already debated back and forth should I call first, make the first move to at least get an answer. But fear and history is holding me back. And the days before this silence the phone calls were brief/short/un-returned. I've even laid of twitter so I don't go on a rant (we follow each other)

vulnerbilatity....ugh

I'm the type of person who likes an answer or explanation regardless if its positive or negative, regardless if it will hurt my feelings or make me a better person. I'd rather nip it in the but than this.....

...the Taurus in me?

I never imagined I would be married, living in a house with 2 kids by 27, but I thought I would at least have a clearer understanding of the opposite sex, relationships. Maybe even be in one. I feel more clueless than when I was 16 year old virgin.

I even asked married folks, older folks, single folks, young folks, males, females, gay folks, any body that could at least help me. And all are the same in not understanding this individual or situation anymore than I do.

If we're destined to just be friends, lovers, enemies, memories, etc....I just want to know. When someone can discard you this easily it hurts like no other.

But.....don't get it twisted I'm still blessed :)

Back Again

That moment you remember you have a blog and haven't blogged since January because you visited another blog that just totally irked your mind....yea....

Seriously though, twitter took my need to blog. Instead of composing my thoughts into some clever sentencing, I can just tweet the thought right then and there.....added bonus is I get immediate feedback.

@veronicastorm (yep I plugged the name)

Updates

Mommy

My mother is still physically healthy but battling a never ending mind battle of Alzheimer's. Its getting more and more frustrating to accept the fact she's not going to get better. That one day it will be hard for her to call my name, associate me as her daughter....etc. But we've been spending a lot more time together which has helped me to appreciate her even more. I wish we could have done this years ago but it wasn't meant to be. Everyday I try to make sure we do an activity but its hard when she's not in the mood or fearful of her surroundings. But I do my best to keep her happy. I love her, but I wish I could do more. She did so much for me, not just being my mom, but my dad as well. All I can is my best in this situation and make the best decisions for her. I'm all she has, she's all I have :)

Dating. Men. The Struggle.

I've come to learn that being single is a growth experience but at the same time a challenging experience. One minute I think I have the answer the next minute I'm back to square one. I am single but my attention concentrates on one man in particular. That attention came naturally, unintentionally. Hard to decide how to navigate in that situation because of all the humps and hurdles. Keeping and open eye and mind as best as I can. But with the situation with my mom, I see the importance of companionship. Even if it doesn't go thru to the altar, people should take more chances in finding someone. Shouldn't wait till you get "successful" or wait for the "one." I'm willing to take chances, make mistakes, create memories. Hopefully someone is willing to do the same :)

Family (blood/non blood)

Trying. Pressuring. Judgemental. Disappointing. Conditional Love.

Me. Extra Info.

Been doing a lot of reading lately. Its my fav hobby and relaxes me. I don't have to worry about reality and like I always say, it's the cheapest vacation out there. I've also been trying to write, get my thoughts out of my head and hopefully compose into a book. I would love to write about my experience with my mom&Alzheimer's as well as realistic fictional stories that young woman can identify with.

Another tid bit, started to exercise. About to subscribe to Women's Health Magazine and join a gym. I need to turn my physical health around, get my metabolism back to moving. I don't want to be in my thirties looking at old pictures depressed or in the doctors office praying for good news.

Well I miss sharing my thoughts with friends and strangers. So blogging has to return to my daily routine, suffer with me :)

Tried being nice...

So I've learned the past couple of weeks that when I am nice, friendly to the opposite sex, it doesn't quite work in my favor.

Oh but when I'm rude, cocky, would you believe men come raining just making themselves to available, too aggressive, too needy....get it?

So what is a girl to do?

Can't really ask my elders, they didn't really have to deal with so much bitchass, flip floppy behavior?

Can't ask chicks younger because their idea of a good man is Soulja Boy....

Would ask my friends, but hell we all confused just trying to get thru a date without committing suicide...smh....crucial.... uh yea

FOR EXAMPLE

A man texted me to go out. Texted me late and had no set plans.

Nope Nope. Staying in my house.

I responded with "ugh no"

This set him off in a few comparisons of American women to "worldly women"

But he was born and raised in Houston.....side eye

His claim to judge was because he worked a couple of years overseas.

Of course I tried to be nice.

He wasn't so much.

NIGGA HAD NERVE TO NOT KNOW HOW TO SPELL!!

But did I expose his extreme inability to spell a word, no.

Let it go.

He "let it go".

Saw him yesterday.

He apologized and asked for another chance.

SIDE EYE

So......

I think I will just stick to myself, close my eyes and hope for the best lol

...how do you know?

When is it ok to settle? When is it ok to hold out for something better? When is it time to make it work, or run like a scared lamb?

Dating, sexing, texting, chatting, tweeting, meeting, loving, befriending, hugging, kissing any type of interaction with the opposite sex has become dreadful as physics was to me freshman year of college.

I know I don't want it to be easy, but damn, I didn't want it to be confusing and an annoyance.

I honestly thought by this age I would be in a serious relationship. I wasn't looking to marriage and babies. I don't want babies!! maybe marriage??

I have looked at what I want versus what I need. I have listed the things I can't live without. I no longer waste my time with those I am not interested in (like dates with randoms, waste of my time).

I thought maybe internet dating but folks said that was just desperate and I'm not at the stage yet. I don't think its desperate, but at least I can shop for options. I thought maybe speed dating, but no one would dare go with me. Live on the edge a little bit ladies lol.

I have a twitter account, @veronicastorm, where men like to inbox/dm me with their interests. That just makes me nervous. Because I have no profile to base you on, and its too easy to judge your random thoughts (tweets).

So....I think I will just rely on this "feeling" everyone has talked about. Or this "inkling" that will have me pay attention. Or maybe this "sparkle" will appear and some corny love music will play in the background. idk, I would just settle for Jodeci, a king special from Frenchys and a big hug.

Everyone, just breathe and enjoy your day.