I didn't know.....

So....I've exhausted every avenue of dealing with this issue (a person of interest.) I decided to blog about it because maybe getting it out and reading it back will get me to some point of conclusion or direction.

I care for dude, genuinely care for this dude. (I'm only saying dude cuz I'm not going to say his name)

Days have gone by with no communication and I don't understand why. There was no argument, altercation to lead to this. Mind you we talk all day everyday. If its through phone calls, texts, pictures, tweets, emails...something. And now nothing is a mild form of torture (mental anguish). Especially with all this time I have on my hands.

Don't get me wrong, I've tried to keep busy as hell. Working out, getting on my moms nerves (lol), reading, playing with the dogs, doing favors for folks, running errands, reaching out to friends, cleaning....etc

Of course I've already debated back and forth should I call first, make the first move to at least get an answer. But fear and history is holding me back. And the days before this silence the phone calls were brief/short/un-returned. I've even laid of twitter so I don't go on a rant (we follow each other)

vulnerbilatity....ugh

I'm the type of person who likes an answer or explanation regardless if its positive or negative, regardless if it will hurt my feelings or make me a better person. I'd rather nip it in the but than this.....

...the Taurus in me?

I never imagined I would be married, living in a house with 2 kids by 27, but I thought I would at least have a clearer understanding of the opposite sex, relationships. Maybe even be in one. I feel more clueless than when I was 16 year old virgin.

I even asked married folks, older folks, single folks, young folks, males, females, gay folks, any body that could at least help me. And all are the same in not understanding this individual or situation anymore than I do.

If we're destined to just be friends, lovers, enemies, memories, etc....I just want to know. When someone can discard you this easily it hurts like no other.

But.....don't get it twisted I'm still blessed :)