Who knew I would cry watching a reailty show....

So, I just finished watching Sundays episode of Kim&Kourt Take NY. Kim reached out to John Edwards, a world renowned medium, to connect with her father. His message to her, her reaction really hit home for me. I realized I would like to have an opportunity to talk to my father again. So much is going on in my life that I think his advice would be of much comfort. But talking to a medium is a big step and a little scary. You never know, the person could be a fraud or very manipulative.

February is also coming soon and is always a hard time for me (the month my father died). You would think this many years later it would be easier but its not. Certain evens, feelings, memories trigger that pain that has never left my heart. At least my home girl is coming into town and my best friend is having a big bday bash for me to look forward to.

Getting older, my mom's illness, I realize a different thing I'm missing by not having him. I am blessed to have a great god father that provides great advice and support, but....its not the same.

On a good note I was told for the first time that I act like my father. That was so crazy to hear considering the fact he died when I was in the 5th grade and I'm 27 now. I felt so proud, I felt like something about me was right :)! Reassured me that he is with me, looking over me!

So I would like to end by saying, as much we judge these reality stars, they are people like the rest of us. Makeup, producers, money, whatever it doesn't matter. The reason we watch is because we can relate, we can live in someone else shoes for a moment or judge to make ourselves feel better. I'm grateful Kim shared that moment, needed that. You might not understand, but I do.....

Mom...the good times

Sometimes I only tweet, update my status when times are rough with my mom. But that's because I know my friends, followers, strangers, whomever will send me some much needed love.

Well today I had a great early dinner with my mom. It was nice sharing a meal and I began to think of all the nice dinners, nice moments we do have. And how I need to focus on those to remember her by, not the negative effects of the disease.

It also made me appreciate her more for who she is. I wish before this all went down, we would have had more moments as these. I wish I had been more aggressive in improving our relationship. I wish we could have been closer, because I'm seeing traits of my mom I never got to see....

I don't' think I got to see them because my mom was very uptight and bougie. I never really got to hear her make jokes, and let loose because as she said it was either out of place, uncouth, inappropriate.

Now I get to see my mom is funny, insightful, spunky, appreciative, sensitive and at times freaky (quite creepy to hear her comments but funny as hell).

I used to think we didn't have anything in common, now I see we do.

Blessed :) Awesome Feelings Here :)

Back Again

That moment you remember you have a blog and haven't blogged since January because you visited another blog that just totally irked your mind....yea....

Seriously though, twitter took my need to blog. Instead of composing my thoughts into some clever sentencing, I can just tweet the thought right then and there.....added bonus is I get immediate feedback.

@veronicastorm (yep I plugged the name)

Updates

Mommy

My mother is still physically healthy but battling a never ending mind battle of Alzheimer's. Its getting more and more frustrating to accept the fact she's not going to get better. That one day it will be hard for her to call my name, associate me as her daughter....etc. But we've been spending a lot more time together which has helped me to appreciate her even more. I wish we could have done this years ago but it wasn't meant to be. Everyday I try to make sure we do an activity but its hard when she's not in the mood or fearful of her surroundings. But I do my best to keep her happy. I love her, but I wish I could do more. She did so much for me, not just being my mom, but my dad as well. All I can is my best in this situation and make the best decisions for her. I'm all she has, she's all I have :)

Dating. Men. The Struggle.

I've come to learn that being single is a growth experience but at the same time a challenging experience. One minute I think I have the answer the next minute I'm back to square one. I am single but my attention concentrates on one man in particular. That attention came naturally, unintentionally. Hard to decide how to navigate in that situation because of all the humps and hurdles. Keeping and open eye and mind as best as I can. But with the situation with my mom, I see the importance of companionship. Even if it doesn't go thru to the altar, people should take more chances in finding someone. Shouldn't wait till you get "successful" or wait for the "one." I'm willing to take chances, make mistakes, create memories. Hopefully someone is willing to do the same :)

Family (blood/non blood)

Trying. Pressuring. Judgemental. Disappointing. Conditional Love.

Me. Extra Info.

Been doing a lot of reading lately. Its my fav hobby and relaxes me. I don't have to worry about reality and like I always say, it's the cheapest vacation out there. I've also been trying to write, get my thoughts out of my head and hopefully compose into a book. I would love to write about my experience with my mom&Alzheimer's as well as realistic fictional stories that young woman can identify with.

Another tid bit, started to exercise. About to subscribe to Women's Health Magazine and join a gym. I need to turn my physical health around, get my metabolism back to moving. I don't want to be in my thirties looking at old pictures depressed or in the doctors office praying for good news.

Well I miss sharing my thoughts with friends and strangers. So blogging has to return to my daily routine, suffer with me :)