Freedom...I want it!

I hate what certain men did to me. I mean I hate what I allowed myself to feel because of them,what I allowed to happen. As much as I contemplate the pros and cons of a stable relationshp, I contemplate having options just as much. It's just at some point options decide to become selfish, get feelings involved, demand for me to reveal my inner-Amber, make rules, etc. And I'm left wondering what happened to the agreement of freedom and understanding.

Watching Sex and the City the character of Carrie made me question "love and serious/committed relationships." How can the same love that made you complete, be the same love that breaks your heart, then be the same love that forgives the pain? The character of Samantha made me realize the importance of a strong relationshp with yourself regardless of someone else's livelihood.

But sexual/situations/relationship freedom makes women look like whores/sluts/hoes. And men look like pimps/The Man/playas.

And I mean......

1. I miss traveling to MIA to visit Mr.Bentley,but he switched it up on me. Wanted to confess his "newfound love", wanted me to become in love with him, become devoted to his existence. While he devoted his love to who knows who and who knows how many. Why did I have to rework my life so that we could continue our happiness? Why did I have to love a man in order to spend quality time and experience life? I have great/treasured memories of him...until reality and my honesty wasn't good enough. I became worthless in his eyes because I couldn't lie. WTF??!!

2. I miss when Short Fat Fuck/Shortie Doo Whop accepted my place in his life as "party girl." As time went on, he had to have more. I never gave him an inch of hope I would be his next baby momma,ill! Now I am a hoe/slut/whore in his eyes. Thursday night the look he gave me was pure hatred. I could feel when he would be behind me, I mean hate was hitting my back. I'm hurt because I was honest and now that Fat Fuck is whispering round on me. Bet he wouldn't like me to whisper to the authorities. Damn the day I find someone worth trying out and he knows Q or Q finds out. Q should have stayed my friend. I honestly cared for him but OH WELL!!

3. I miss when Lemon Drop (my homebois fav shot) looked at me and treated me as a friend. Now sex pops up in the convo frequently and he sends signals that he's hung and ready. Ummmmmmm.........no. I've been honest that I see him as a friend, so why does he feel the need to make it uncomfortable?

SO 24 IS MORE LONELY AND BORING THAN 23. BUT 23 WAS CONFUSING AND BLINDING. HOPEFULLY PSYCHO,JERMAINE THE LAME, AND/OR THE NEXT ONE WILL BRING MORE HAPPY LESSONS FOR ME.

p.s. can I attribute my weight loss to loss of sexual healing? LOL! Enjoy your day!