Old habits tend to die hard!!

It sucks when you get bored...and think to entertain yourself...with foolish situations...with people you should keep at least 500 hundred feet away.

Lately my life consists of the basics. Fulfilling but not provacative. I should be enjoying the peace more than I am, but an itty bitty part of me (not my titties for you jokesters), is looking for something. What, I don't know.

I know I shouldn't be looking in the direction of Mr. Psycho Duck, or any of the Nigerians listed in my phone as "Don't Answer", or Shortie Glow. But sometimes when I'm not eating,sleeping,reading.surfing,dancing,talking....u get it...my evil mind plays tricks on me and encourages me to stir it up. TRAGIC. I blame my imagination on my only-child-existence.

Mr. Psycho Duck brought a lot of heaven and hell in my life,nothing in between. Black and white and no damn grey. Decided to reach out to him after I found out, well he informed me he knew of my blog. (and he's killing me at 29,tear) Found out more about his adventures with his dick while we were in our "situation." Found out 1 situation that actually hurt. I planned on fun convos and more proof he is truly psycho. But what I got was a realization of what our "situation" really was,basically his funny story/my tragedy. So...I learned...curiosity is a killa...and Mr. Psycho Duck's is a career mind fucker. That is not a compliment Kendrick.

The Nigerians...well they are a group/gang/organization in Dallas. Drama is what they brought to my life and continue to do so. I know not all Nigerian men are like them: obsessed, aggressive,mean,controlling,extremely passionate,gossipers...But there were times I felt safe, happy and even lucky with them all in the mixer. Saw Shortie Fat Fuck/Shortie Doo Whop and it was so uncomfortable. It's taking all of me to not make it easier, call him, listen to his argument,turn it around on him, and WHALA! But I've learned....thru many signals/signs/events, that I would signing over my honor (couldn't think of another word lol). So I haven't made the call,thanks to the groceries I just bought,so lets hope I remain smart.

Shortie Glow has a crush on me. Has had one for a long time. I used to, but the chemistry wasn't there. We went on a date, spent the whole day together, went to sleep,nothing happened,nothing was tried,and everytime thereafter we ran/run into eachother it's weird. He throws parties and has never put me on the list, hooked me up in some kind of way, or even like a drink. But when the All White Party came around, he told me days later he wouldve put me on the list, which meant I wouldn't have had to pay 100. Umm late! And if he wanted me there, could you invite me, say you want to see me, anything? Not saying I deserve it but damn can I get an offer? I don't know if it is the race difference but he steps to me like a nervous middle schooler. I need a guy to talk it straight, not beat around the bush or be scared to flirt/engage/entice/shit something...People I am thinking of testing him out. Even though I know a lot is missing between me and him. I haven't gotten a free dinner lately,ohh that's bad to say,lol. Great to have someone into me, but I want to be into them. I don't want to play and pretend, I want to enjoy and have fun.

I know I need to stay away from the above subjects. I know that I am too addicted to this honey butter I just got. I know I am a work in progress and this blog is my outlet.
But...........