KENDRICK ....MY ETERNAL STALKER

Background:

I approached him. I flirted my ass off, because something about him I just had to have. Big mistake. I should've known then. Usually the dude comes up to me, but 2 years ago yall, I tried something new (last time I ever approach a nigga).

We ended up creating a situation between the two of us. I enjoyed him, came close to loving him! But of course it ended badly. Really bad.

I'm not going to put all the blame on him, because I did the fool myself.

But what I can say, is that I ended conversation between us. Of course it was hard, because I truly liked him.

Not only has he harassed me thru text messages, phone calls, he even got a chick to bother me as well. Like what the hell? Was it that good? According to him, I am like the shit at the bottom of his shoe.

I thought he had given up...........

But I opened up my myspace and recieved this shit?!! BEWARE, THE SHIT IS OFF THE CHAIN RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

The off the chain ridiculous shit:

Coach DENNIS
Date:
27 Feb 2008, 01:05 PM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]

Date Sent: 27/02/2008 1:05:00 PM

Body:Before I completely cuttoff communication with you, I felt compelled to tell you this. I knew about the crabs you received from Braxton when you first visited him at his "new at the time" apartment. I never wanted to tell you about this face to face because I knew you would have gotten embarassed, however I thought that before I kick rocks I would just let you know that I was aware of it.

ex ex boo

MY REACTION:

1. If you have had an enounter with this gentleman, experienced one with him with me, or heard of mine, the shit is funny and desperate! lol



2. I have never had crabs or any sexually transmitted disease. I get checked and try to be as responsible as I can. Is this the best he can do to get a reaction out of me?



3. The time frame was 2 years ago. Who waits 2 years ago to inform some business as important as this?



4. Why did he continue to have a relationship with me, continute to have sex with me, if I was carrying an STD? Was the sex that good, he would put himself at risk to? Or maybe he just likes.........iillllllllllll........lmao
   


5. Who says "kick rocks?"



6. Is this something you say on myspace?



7. I swore I blocked him on myspace, so how he was able to send a message...idk....kind of crazy!!!!!!!!!!



8. When I ask you in more ways than one to leave me alone, why keep pushing at me?



9. Yes TM that is his picture



10. When will ex's stay "x" out of my life?

IRRITATED!!!!!

What do I have to do to get this individual to leave me alone?

The nigga is crazy! Crazy enough to wait 2 years to tell me a lie, damn what's gonna happen the rest of the year, lol, well more material for my blog!

Now I got to block this nigga again on myspace (already been blocked on facebook for a minute)! Taking up seconds of my time, tear!

Like Baby D said, he's trying to hurt me and get a reaction out of me....but damn give up!

But at the end of the day, I walked into his crazy insanse indifferent world. I had a feeling to get out, but my dumb ass stayed. And because of it, he is with Braxton in my top 10 mistakes of all time. Actually Kendrick is #2. Yep, yep, yep, mistakes I can't repeat lol!

So Kendrick if you read this, it doesn't matter what you say or do, how you feel about me, just leave me alone! We are not good together, actually quite toxic. I have apologized for the mistakes I made, you have too, let it be, let it go! Telling me you missed me didn't get me back, and telling me I had crabs 2 years ago won't get me back either. So "kick rocks!" I am assuming that means "goodbye," if it doesn't....GOODBYE

SONG: I Always Feel Like, Somebody's Watching Me by MJ

MySpace Connections....Are TheyPossible??

Lately I have been hit with alot of new friend requests, random messages, random image commentary, etc. The picture above is the current picture on my myspace page.

When I look at it, I see a cute, smiling picture.

But to the niggaland that is amongst myspace.com, it must be something more.

The following are some messages I have recieved in the last few days. The following messages are the reason why I don't take anyone on myspace seriously and gets me to question people I meet in person. Like they are potentially as wack as these niggaz sending out messages to random chicks with a decent profile pic.

1. Subject: i want to meet you

Body: my name is x im 21 years oldand i stay in houston so if you are ever free with nothin to do hit me upi read most of ur blogs and i like ur swag so jus halla at yo boy some time1LUVX

My Response: First of all, "x" is not your real name, your momma didn't say that when she gave birth. (2) If he read my blogs, he would know that I rarely spend time in Houston, so I could care less. (3) He is 21 years old, if he truly knew my swag he would no I don't accept applications from those that are underage. I know I am only 23, but he still can't apply.

2. Subject: no subject

Body: HEY MISS SEXY I WAS GOING THRU THE SPACE N MY FIRST TIME LOOKIN AT YOUR PICS REAL NICE. LISTEN I JUS CLOSE A MAJOR RECORD DEAL N WE GONNA START SHOOTING 4 MY SONG "ROLL CALL" N MARCH. I WOULD LUV 4 YOU TO BE DOWN WIT ME N THE VIDEO YOU LOOK REAL NICE HOLLA AT ME N LET ME KNOW BABY. LISTEN TO THE SONG IF U HAVENT HEARD IT ON MY PAGE. CALL ME OR TEXT 832 882 1978BIG-E VIEW MY PAGE IF U HAVENT HEARD DA SONG OR SEEN DA FIRST VIDEO TO MY OTHER SONG CALLED "DANG-A-LANG" THAT WAS SHOT WIT MY OWN BUDGET. da hottest 10 girls make a hundred dollaz an hour an become a "GRAPEJELLYGIRL" N TRAVEL WITH ME ALL EXSPENCE PAID 4, NOW REMEMBER I HAND PICK YOU IF YOU GET ANOTHER MESSAGE LIKE MINES THATS MY PROMOTIONAL TEAM N THEY ALREADY HAVE 75 GIRLS COMING TO DA SHOOT N MARCH AT CLUB HUSH. SO CALL ME DIRECT IF YOU R INTRESTED

My Response: (1)didn't have time to type in a subject? (2) this is clearly a copy and pasted message, but why hasn't anyone caught the mistakes (3) did I mention he has sent this to me at least 3 times, I don't respond, but he keeps hitting me (4) how can you pay me a hundred "dollaz" an hour (5) why would I want to be a "grapejellygirl?" (6) what the hell is a "grapejellygirl?" I can only imagine what the duties of a "grapejellygirl" are! (7) can we really do business together and you are already calling me baby?

3. Subject: no subject

Body: itz nice 2 meet u miss amber im mike so werr u stay??????

Original Message From: AMBULARDate: Feb 24, 2008 9:14 PM Amber

Original Message From: Ugly hoez can tell victoria 2 keep yo azz a secretDate: 20 Feb 2008, 02:58 PM im blessed so i cant complain so wus yo name??????

Original Message From: AMBULARDate: Feb 20, 2008 12:33 PM good how are you?

Original Message From: I hear u all nite long wen i turn u on!!!Date: 19 Feb 2008, 10:16 PM Hey how you doing beautiful??????

My Response: (1) notice no subject (2) why does his name keep changing when he sends a message...drama (3) how do you go from asking my name, to where do I live? (4)why do you need to know where I live? (5) is it so hard to assume my name is Amber from the term Ambular? (6) wonder if he reads this, well, hey Mike

4. Subject: wuz up

Body: i wanna get to kno ya physically mentally emotionally and spiritually so can i call ya sometime??

Original Message From: AMBULARDate: Feb 24, 2008 7:32 PM I'm cool...want to get to know me really read the blog

Original Message From: Young Shawn Official Music PageDate: 24 Feb 2008, 07:30 PM how ya doin r ya ok now?? i wanna kno when we gonna get to kno each other

My Response: (1) I mean....I just don't know about this one (2) physically/mentally/emotionally/spiritually??????????????????? (3) HE MAKES ME NERVOUS (4) hey Young Shawn if you are a reader

??????????

So.................I don't get it.

Myspace connections, to me are impossible. Too much room to create bullshit.

You can be anybody you want to on the internet.

And alot of people are choosing to be someone else.

I bet if I met anyone of these gentlemen in person, the convo would be nothing similar to this.

So........I am going to continue to not respond or give basic responses, just to see the foolishness that will follow.

????????????????

SONG: Computer Love by Zapp

His Titties Are Bigger Than Mine.....

His name is Braxton. He is my ex that I wish I would've never began a relationship with. I view him as one of my top 10 mistakes I've made. And I have made alot, so for him to be in the top 10/top 5 well.....whew hoo. Wish we would've remained good friends, cuz his ass is too damn much!

Over the years, with his domestic-live-in-gal, he has gained a considerable amount of weight. To the point his titties are a boderline C-cup. If you know me, you know I don't have alot to work with, look at the picture. I am ok with my small cookies, but I cannot be attracted to someone and their breasts are making mine looking crumbs.

But what disgusts me is that, he thinks there is still a chance. That I am still there, will always be there, that I am still attracted to him. Even thou he is in this commited relationship. Niggas make me sick sometimes.

Have I given him a glimmer of hope, HELL NO!!! First of all, I don't like to share, I am an only child.

I've been trying to be friends with him, but it's not working. He slips up and tries to flirt, tries to see me, tries to wiggle his fat self back in. But no no no, I keep them damn walls up. I refuse to get caught up in some mess, because his gal isn't completely keeping him at attention/happy/satisfied/full/challenged/interested.

The last time (for good)I allowed this nigga to fuck with my brain cells was when I had the flu (like 3/4 weeks ago). He tried to call over and over again, I refused to answer. So he texts, I text back I have the flu holla at ya another time. This negro has the nerve to get offended and hinted that I didn't have the flu. That I've probably been talking to other mothafuckas....NIGGA HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GOT DAMN MIND LMAO. We are not together! He is so got damn selfish, that my flu was somehow about him. He didn't even ask if there was anything that he could do, if I was ok, nothing....tear!

It used to be entertainment. But shit, I'm getting older and somethings just isn't funny or worth my time.

CONCLUSION

I am proud to say, I put my foot down and asked him to leave me alone for fucking all time. I don't need toxic people like himself in my life. I wouldn't put up with it from anyone else, so what is special about him...not a damn thing.

1. Blocked him and his chick on all avenues on the internet.
2. Attempting to get his number blocked, but AT&T is giving me the runaround, but still labeled his number as "Don't Answer" so I won't see it pop up, just like all the other "Don't Answers" in my phone.
3. He is an ex, and needs to remain an "X" in my life.
4. I can't make a friendship work with someone who has a different idea in their head.
5. I deserve respect!
6. I just can't have contact with a male who has bigger titties than me. It makes me look down at my chest, of which I can see my shoes below.....TEAR!!!!!

WHO IS WILLING TO DONATE TO MY BOOB JOB???!!!!!!!!! LMAO

Song: If it isn't love by New Edition

WHO IS VINCE YOUNG??

Background:

Went to Houston this weekend to see mi momma! Great times, cuz we are getting along better. Opening the lines of communication.....NEWAYS.......so on Fri I sent out a message to some people I hadn't seen in awhile. Basically saying, "I am back in town, hello." Well my homeboi Ron (who will be blogged about in the near future) was like, "What are you doing?" Of course I replied nothing (oops did I mention we were texting back and forth). He hit me with the typical get yo ass up out the house.

So I got ready in like 15 minutes (looking fly)looking gorgeous!!!! And headed out the door. I got the Shadow Bar around like 1:20 or so. So he was at the bar and we were chit chatting it up.

All of a sudden this tall, ugly, big headed man started walking in my direction. Of course I was looking to Ron, but he was too busy ordering drinks for everybody.......

The Infamous Convo:

VY: You need to smile more (smiling)

Me: Excuse me? (frowning)

VY: You need to smile more (smiling)

Me: And you need not talk to me (serious face)

VY: What did you say? (confused)

Me: You Need Not Talk To Me (smirking)

VY: Do you know who I am? You don't know who I am?

Me: No, But my name is Amber, what's yours?

VY: Vince

Me: Hi Vince (still not knowing who he is)

Followup:

So eventually the chick that was with him (found out later it was his fiancee) was so damn drunk and he wasn't too happy about it. He told me he noticed I was friends with Ron and would defintly be running into me. Has to take care of this chick/situation/FIANCEE. I continued to flirt and was like ok, holla!

Ron and I are still taking shots and what not, and he asked me did I know Vince. Of course I was like no, just met him tonight. He seems cool, said yall were friends? He was like yea, seemed ike you knew him, you do know who that is. My dumb ass was like, yea, that was Vince. Ron went, "NO Vince Young GIRL"

TTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

My Bitchassness:

I can't believe I was really chatting it up with Vince Young, flirting and what not, and didn't know who he was. I just thought he was tall, not that attractive, but nice smile, seemed to have a good body, nice convo, the coolness.

Can't believe that negro was talking to be and his chick was right there, but I guess that is their business? Suspect??

I know I could spot him on tv without his name below so why the hell didn't I know who I was talking to.

BITCHASSNESS on my part.

lol

good times

memories for your children, I'm not having any.

Didn't end up running into him, or harassing Ron to tell me where he would be at.

Leave it alone.

Be embarrassed to myself and friends.

LMAO

Vince Young

Song: Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

Dule...Did The Fooly!!

Name: Dule
Age Range: 30-35
Where I Met Him: DGs
When I Met Him: I think last September
His Style of Dress: Clean, Neat, Stylish, NY
What Caught my Attention: The way he stands. Back is straight, head help up high
Outside View: Confident, can dance, a bit swole, cool&collected
UpClosePersonal View: cute smile, speaks his mind, passionate gaze
Background:

He invited my homegirl ( I will call her LightBright) to help him celebrate his homebois birthday. He said bring your friends, so she called me and I invited another chick( I will call her LittleBit).

We were supposed to go to a club and have a great time, but it was Wed, and everywhere we went was wack. Ended up at DGs (Dallas Gentleman's) yes it is a stripclub. The surprise was the place was crowded. We started drinking, tipping, and even started eating (BBQ Man!!).

Somehow I made an impression on him and he started flirting. I told him to back off, cuz clearly he tried to holla at LightBright first. Hello, that is why I am here. I let him do his talk, he was drunk, and kept it cool.

Well the limo took us back to the hotel where they were staying, and I noticed his drunk ass was gone. His homebois took their drunk asses up to their hotel room (only worried about the ass they were about to jump on), and LightBright was too busy giving directions to the person who was going to come get us (her boo, she was not concerned about Dule lol).

So me and LittleBit decided too go find him. I mean he did let us in the limo, payed for everything, and was cool at the sametime. Found him trying to drive home, but his eyes were closed. So fucked up he was. So, Little Bit handled his car and I helped him up to his room, he gave me money for gas/food (drunk but still thoughtful)and we went home.

Well, since I do go out, I kept running into him. I was feeling him, like whoo!!! Made sure there was no problems with LightBright, and it was on and popping. One day at 972 he told me he wasn't going to take no for an answer no more, we exchanged numbers. Started talking everyday, spending time with eachother, got his own ringtone, he met all my friends. Going good, I never felt so comfortable. He never disrespected me, continued to be thoughtful (fed my hungry ass without me saying I'm Hungry), shared stuff about his past, listened, gave me all his numbers, left me alone in his apt (trust/test), cooked for me, etc........

Then because we know mutual people (mutual crazy people), they started causing drama (jealous mofos), he backed off. No warning, he just put miles between us. I admit with those crazy niggas, it was annoying. But why fuck up something that works, that makes both of us happy. And now he's trying to creep back (how could he not miss me), but now I'm cautious and nervous and only want one thing! Yes....sex!

It's like I like him alot, alot alot. But it's not worth it. Cuz now I know when times get tough, we won't talk about it, he will just make a decision and expect me to follow along. Fuck that.

So now I only want him for one thing, kind of sad, cuz at one time he assisted in putting a genuine smile on my face.

But then why get in more drama by having sex, opening up that whirlwind again. I deserve better, but damn HE IS OFF THE CHAIN!!! And I want some treats.......

Thoughts:

1. Is it bad to only want a man for sex?
2. Can one truly use one for sex even thou previously cared for that individual?
3. Why can't situations/relationships be easier, like they were 7 years ago?
4. Why can't guys let stuff go, and stop holding claim on someone who was never theirs?

Song: Is this Love by Bob Marley

Playing Dress Up

When I say dress up I mean like when someone portrays a persona they want to be or think you want them to be. It could be how they talk, how they dress, anything!

And as someone who doesn't believe in the stupid game, it's disappointing the number of men I meet that do. I know ladies are the queen of it, but it's like men are trying to take that stat over.

Maya A. said, "If someone shows you themselves, believe them." But if they show you another version, and you don't know, is it your fault?

There are warning signs, but damn it, some people are just gifted at decieving.

I have protected myself from alot of bullshit, but I want to be able to do better. For instance....Jermaine The Lame. What was the indicator that he was only interested in bootie? The following are some ideas I'm thinking of.....

1. Maybe when I noticed that he liked to watch the room, he had been scoping me the entire time. And was able to see all the rejects that walked away from me. And gave me what he assumed I would like. Made sure he was chill, not too pushy.
2. Maybe because I was in the club, he assumed that's all I was good for. He could be dude that thinks all chicks in the club are not worth time or effort. So, I was already doomed.
3. Maybe because he wore sunglasses inside of the club. Already blocking his eyes and building a wall.
4. Maybe I missed something in his conversation that was a huge alarm.
5. Maybe I was giving some wrong body language, cuz I sure in the hell didn't say anything sexual.

What did I learn from Jermaine The Lame?.....................

1. Not that I didn't know it before, but holding out is always key! (He showed himself to me in 2 days tops.)
2. Too good to be true...it probably is! (who said that?)

Song: I don't want no scrub by TLC

Jermaine...the Lame

Name: Jermaine
Age Range: 25-30
Where I Met Him: Karma
When I Met Him: Last Thursday...Valentines Day
His Style of Dress: Clean, Neat, Fitted, Stylish
What Caught my Attention: His Sunglasses
Outside View: Not flashy, watches people, calm, confident
UpClosePersonal View: friendly, funny, confirmed confidence, great smile

Background:

I don't even know how we started talking, we just did. He was in VIP and I was below with my crew. We had a healthy convo. He wasn't trying to push up on me, tell me what he wanted to do with my body, no foolishness whatsoever. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up for breakfast. The crew thought he was cute and nice, so did I! Well went to IHOP, and he went to another one. So, we didn't meet up.

Friday he wanted to take me out on a date, but it was my bestfriend's birthday weekend, so I told him no...another time. He was cool about it. We started texting later that night, and ended up texting for hours. The next day I was like we shouldve talked on the phone instead of wasting all that time typing. He said he didn't want to call and offend me (it was late), and of course I said I didn't call him because I was just nervous/wack/don't like to make the 1st call, lol.

Sat, a bit better. We talked on the phone. He was at his brother's competition, so we had to end the convo, but resumed it later (learned about eachother like family/lifestyles/interests). I invited him to my bestfriend's party at MBar (Mustang Bar) and got crunk about it. So I made a side note to concentrate on my look for the evening.

He showed up to MBar looking good! We ended up sitting at the bar talking, ordered some drinks, and danced a little. I really enjoyed myself and it seemed like he did too. Again, I must say he is so respectful. Passed out some compliments to me, no out of line touching, no cursing...coming off like a nice package.

Walked me to the car, gave me a hug and a pec, and said he would meet me at whereever we decided to eat. Of course we chose IHOP, another one, and he actually showed up to the right one. We talked...we flirted....BUT.....

I don't remember how he put it, but basically wanted me to go home with him. I said no, let's hook up tomorrow. He seemed disappointed, but not rude or anything like that. We hugged and I left. I went back to my girls house thinking it was a great night, and yea for the guy....BUT.....

HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM, TEAR MY LIFE!! We exchanged a few text messages yesterday, that was it. No longer the essays I recieved a couple of days ago. Now using tiny ass phrases. I can tell when someone has lost interest or changed their mind. So he's out.

Analysis:

I guess I didn't give up the goods, so I'm not worth the time. It sucks cuz his packaging was appealing, but he flipped the script on me (and quick I might add). I took a chance on something out of the norm of my taste, and he got me. I am glad I didn't do the "under the table business with him." But my feelings are hurt, well I am just disappointed.

I wish he wouldv'e gave out his real intentions instead of playing "dress up." Neither one of use would've had to waste time, text messages, or time talking on the phone.

Song: think of a lame song.....lol

Let's Go!

I will begin by saying I am NOT hunting/searching/googling/looking for a man. But I am open to the option to have one, have one discover me. But my luck has been crazy wack. Now Katt Williams does say, that you must look at yo pussy to figure out why aint shit niggas keep coming your way. But there is nothing I can do when aint shit niggas pretend to be about their shit niggas. It's like the males that I have met are playing dress up.

2007 was the craziest year of my life so far in the "opposite sex" department. And 2008 I just don't if it's going to be better. I mean I was getting hit left and right with the good and the bad. I learned alot about myself and about life, but it still doesn't take away that I learned some lessons and still single.

I feel I am ready to make a deeper connection with a member of the opposite sex. Wasting time, getting feelings hurt, getting disappointed is not what is hot in the streets.

So I think I am going to use this blog to explore my previous experiences and new ones. And maybe somebody out there will read and not run into the same deadend as me, or be able to give me some sound advice.