Mom...the good times

Sometimes I only tweet, update my status when times are rough with my mom. But that's because I know my friends, followers, strangers, whomever will send me some much needed love.

Well today I had a great early dinner with my mom. It was nice sharing a meal and I began to think of all the nice dinners, nice moments we do have. And how I need to focus on those to remember her by, not the negative effects of the disease.

It also made me appreciate her more for who she is. I wish before this all went down, we would have had more moments as these. I wish I had been more aggressive in improving our relationship. I wish we could have been closer, because I'm seeing traits of my mom I never got to see....

I don't' think I got to see them because my mom was very uptight and bougie. I never really got to hear her make jokes, and let loose because as she said it was either out of place, uncouth, inappropriate.

Now I get to see my mom is funny, insightful, spunky, appreciative, sensitive and at times freaky (quite creepy to hear her comments but funny as hell).

I used to think we didn't have anything in common, now I see we do.

Blessed :) Awesome Feelings Here :)

Some ingredients don't mix....

Not sure exactly why but I've never been apart of a one clique/group only. I have all types of friends. Some know each other, some don't. And it doesn't always work when they are joined.

Recently I hung out with 2 friends and man I don't think I want to hang out with them combined again. It was like they both gained a new attitude, like the air that they breathed was of higher quality.

Thank goodness I am able to adapt or adjust, otherwise my feelings would have been hurt or maybe theirs would have been, who knows....all I know is, I wasn't cool enough for the frequent whispers,eye glances, what have you.

I felt like I was at a sleepover where everyone who RSVP didn't show up except me and the 2 intended mean girls lol.

I realized then how some ingredients don't mix, and friendship wise I can't deal with their combined dish. I appreciate them as individuals, feel no ill feelings towards them, but as a combo I could say or do something that potentially end 2 friendships from their one. I REALLY HOPE Y'ALL GOT THAT LAST SENTENCE.

Interesting how that can happen.....

Friends....get some,real ones!

Last night I was reminded how blessed I've been in the friendship department...

A friend of friend was celebrating her birthday last night. My friends and I joined along. Thank God we did, because we were able to save her....literally

I understand when I was their age I wanted to have a great time, live life, but I never did at the expense of a friend (especially if it was their bday and they were drunk off their ass).

Glad we were able to step in and make sure she still had a great time while keeping her safe.

Think I'm overexaggerating?

At one point we went to them to tell them we had lost track of her and needed their help to locate her...their response "ummm, idk, who cares. we've been over here so {{shrugs}}" and they continued to drink.

ummm really?

And at the end of the night lied to us saying that they would look out for her, they checked on ehr...she was in the backseat with us...smh

Experiencing her "groupie ass friends" reminded me how blessed I am today, and how blessed I've been my whole life with friends. Loyalty, honesty, commitment, trust has been a common thread throughout all of my friends today or from the past.

At some point we all have to figure out our own definition of friendship and what kind of friends we want/need and what kind of friend we will be.

At some point we discover there are different levels/kinds of frienship and have to act accordingly to that individual.

I hope bday girl hears us

A Single Creepy Story...

couple of nights ago a friend of mine asked me to go with her to her friend's birthday party. Of course I said yes because I needed to be distracted from sitting in the house, thinking about this and that (check 2 blogs ago).

We arrive and are introduced to this decent looking Australian men. Now usually I'm attracted to every Australian man I meet, but this one had more of a body of 17 year old British guy. Not my type. I like a man to have dark skin whatever race/ethnicity he may be.

He was very flirtatious, which was nice, and didn't mind throwing a compliment or two my way (much needed/much appreciated).

It was when he went to get a glass that he rubbed up against my butt. I'm assuming it was his first big real bootie experience. He turned around and was like, "omg, your bum its so.....omg its real too....its soft and wow"

Of course my friend and I are dying laughing at this point. But I'm also thinking in my head, "hmmm, he can appreciate my pear shape....think about it, consider"

Then he just had to ruin my moment.

Creep factor went up 10k points when he decided to do a double grab on my friend and I....she had on short shorts, I had on a skirt. INAPPROPRIATE. THIS IS NOT A BUFFET OF ASSES.

The rest of the evening consisted of me sitting down every time he came near, not listening to his compliments and trying not to be like "FUCK OFF."

As we made our exit, who do you know follows us in the parking lot, Creepy Australian guy does. And then once again tells me about my "bum." And once again goes too far and grabs me saying, "did you drive." As if I would say "YES DADDY" and follow him to whatever destination he had planned.

Being single I try to keep my mind/eyes open to different possibilities...but that was not an option for me...but I will refer to my ASS now as a BUM....

Things you should try if you haven't....

listen to "She Will" by Lil Wayne, Drake and Rick Ross while looking in the mirror getting dressed/undressed. Something about that beat makes feel all devilish and sexy....

CenterCourt Pizza. Only locations are in Pearland and Missouri City but...its so good!

Fist Pumping all night, equivalent to doing a 6 sets of arm curls in the gym.

Saying "Gyming" instead of "working out." Folks look at me crazy but I'm over saying working out.

Having a dance session in the middle of the street downtown, but sober.

quality reality tv: The A List: New York season 1&2. Just go to logotv.com

hawaiian sandwich bread, makes my plain turkey sandwiches so much more enjoyable

grocery shopping night. they restock the shelves, bakes goods get slashed to like a dollar and its quiet.

Twitter.

Getting rid of negative people. Breath of fresh air and a weight lifted.

I didn't know.....

So....I've exhausted every avenue of dealing with this issue (a person of interest.) I decided to blog about it because maybe getting it out and reading it back will get me to some point of conclusion or direction.

I care for dude, genuinely care for this dude. (I'm only saying dude cuz I'm not going to say his name)

Days have gone by with no communication and I don't understand why. There was no argument, altercation to lead to this. Mind you we talk all day everyday. If its through phone calls, texts, pictures, tweets, emails...something. And now nothing is a mild form of torture (mental anguish). Especially with all this time I have on my hands.

Don't get me wrong, I've tried to keep busy as hell. Working out, getting on my moms nerves (lol), reading, playing with the dogs, doing favors for folks, running errands, reaching out to friends, cleaning....etc

Of course I've already debated back and forth should I call first, make the first move to at least get an answer. But fear and history is holding me back. And the days before this silence the phone calls were brief/short/un-returned. I've even laid of twitter so I don't go on a rant (we follow each other)

vulnerbilatity....ugh

I'm the type of person who likes an answer or explanation regardless if its positive or negative, regardless if it will hurt my feelings or make me a better person. I'd rather nip it in the but than this.....

...the Taurus in me?

I never imagined I would be married, living in a house with 2 kids by 27, but I thought I would at least have a clearer understanding of the opposite sex, relationships. Maybe even be in one. I feel more clueless than when I was 16 year old virgin.

I even asked married folks, older folks, single folks, young folks, males, females, gay folks, any body that could at least help me. And all are the same in not understanding this individual or situation anymore than I do.

If we're destined to just be friends, lovers, enemies, memories, etc....I just want to know. When someone can discard you this easily it hurts like no other.

But.....don't get it twisted I'm still blessed :)