Duped

I got duped by someone I care about recently. Getting duped messes with your ego, your thoughts, hell even my appetite (had some freaky cravings).

Maybe I shouldn't have cared to the limit that I did, maybe I should have been more sharing with my true feelings...either way....

I learned something :)

I know now I need to be more present in situations. I need to not be afraid to be honest with my feelings. Sacrifice a little pride. Trust.

Sometimes I wish I could just read it in a manual, or have a little post it note left on my mirror. The tears, the confusion, the silence could have been avoided, well I would have preferred it.

Suffer thru the experiences to gain valuable lessons?? Completely worth it.

If I could tell him the truth without looking desperate and pathetic I would. I tried putting my words together and my friends were like....you know what makes you look like...tear smh...erase*erase*erase* lol

I'm not gonna waste my time and energy bashing him, blaming him. That does nothing but take time away from me making the necessary changes in myself. All I can say is I appreciated Bootsy's presence in my life and it will be missed. It is what it is.

No regrets, just more memories.

But go ahead to Walmart and buy some Peanut Butter Fundge No Bakes!!!!!!!!

I have a best guy friend, I have a best guy friend who is single (well now that's up for debate, keep reading). Never once has there been a mention of a girl, girlfriend, side piece, wifey, hoe, jumpoff, cookie, nookie, boo, baby, baby mamma, "homegirl", "play sis"....nada.

While waiting to go home, a young extremely drunk woman came up to me and said, "arrren't yyouuu Veronica, Veronica Storm?" Me: "Ummmmmm, kind of?"

Immediately I'm on guard because #1 Who is this person? #2 Why are calling me by my twitter name? #3 Is this a situation? #4 So sloppy drunk??

Her response to me was, "I'm _______ girlfriend."

****PAUSE*****

Who does that in real life? Who in their "right" mind would introduce themselves to a complete stranger and not even give their name, just their self appointed title....smh

Of course I was deeply confused and could only muster up a "wwwwwhhhhhhhaaaattt???!!!" and she hit me with her self appointed title again.

I'm assuming she views me as a threat, or thinks our friendship is more than just friends, but.....inappropriate.

If you have to introduce yourself to your "boyfriends(girlfriends)" friends/family, he's(she's) not your boyfriend(girlfriend). If you feel threatened by a relationship of his(hers) and he(she) hasn't given you reassurance, he's(she's) not your boyfriend(girlfriend).

I need people to truly understand, define and seek what a true relationship is. I need people to do their homework/research before they go around assuming shit and starting trouble.

That situation could have turned into a horrible situation because 2 people lack any sort of communication.

Trust and believe, my homie and I are going to have a good wholesome put the shit on the table type conversation because I don't need that shit in my life.

Someone needs to be checked, either her, him or both. What if I had reacted angrily or she had tried to come for me.

Making me reconsider twitter.....smh

Tried being nice...

So I've learned the past couple of weeks that when I am nice, friendly to the opposite sex, it doesn't quite work in my favor.

Oh but when I'm rude, cocky, would you believe men come raining just making themselves to available, too aggressive, too needy....get it?

So what is a girl to do?

Can't really ask my elders, they didn't really have to deal with so much bitchass, flip floppy behavior?

Can't ask chicks younger because their idea of a good man is Soulja Boy....

Would ask my friends, but hell we all confused just trying to get thru a date without committing suicide...smh....crucial.... uh yea

FOR EXAMPLE

A man texted me to go out. Texted me late and had no set plans.

Nope Nope. Staying in my house.

I responded with "ugh no"

This set him off in a few comparisons of American women to "worldly women"

But he was born and raised in Houston.....side eye

His claim to judge was because he worked a couple of years overseas.

Of course I tried to be nice.

He wasn't so much.

NIGGA HAD NERVE TO NOT KNOW HOW TO SPELL!!

But did I expose his extreme inability to spell a word, no.

Let it go.

He "let it go".

Saw him yesterday.

He apologized and asked for another chance.

SIDE EYE

So......

I think I will just stick to myself, close my eyes and hope for the best lol

Date to a Wedding...

So an ex asked me to a wedding.... STOP SIGN

What color would you plan to wear to the wedding? RED LIGHT ~~ what? who coordinates? so does that mean I'm off limits to the other single men in the wedding?

And the groom is someone who used to be highly interested in me.... caution sign

Also, there is no date set..... sign of shotgun wedding

"Maybe we'll both get there and realize something... yellow light he's so full of shit lol

This phone conversation is hilarious. I swear he just does stuff to entertain himself. I can't lie he entertains me too. But too bad this laughter and entertainment can't translate into a healthy relationship.

Green

Seriously.....

It's sad when the only male I can trust is the guy who makes my wings at WingStop. When I ask him for extra seasoning, I get extra seasoning. He doesn't even charge. He doesn't lie to me and say the food is ready when it isn't. He tells me to have a nice day. He is dependable. When I call, he answers, even if it is his job, it only rings like once or twice. I never get sent to voicemail.

and then I compare....

I wish if someone wasn't interested, or wasn't completly honest with their intentions, they would leave me alone. What is the point of asking if we can spend time, if you turn up ghost in a matter of minutes? What's the point of asking me out, but then never taking me out on a date? I don't get it. I didn't put forth the effort so why is the crap being thrown in my direction. Uh I wish I had the will to use the power of a drill......

...............drill some sense into his skull. It can almost hurt your feelings when someone is playing around with your feelings, times, thoughts, amount of text messages, etc. It's even worse when you didn't ask for it. When I mean didn't ask....I didn't ask shiznet.

I did not get the digits, make the first move, imagine a scenario to make a connection; I did not do nothing except listen and try to pay attention.

I regret paying attention. And I would love to say it's just one guy, but it's not. It's two.

Guy number two went on and on about Tuesday. All the different ideas he had for a date on Tuesday. How he doesn't work on Tuesday, and all this time he had to give to me. Again, nothing, nada, not a text, not a call, nothing.

I could see if I was desperate and begged to be taken on a date, or begged for attention. None of that came out of this mouth!

ILLNESS

In 2009, and even the rest of December, I would like to be left alone if you are not serious or honest. You = males. It's hard not becoming a hater or bitter.

So........niggas niggaz negros negras

Trying to broaden my horizons. Different types of men. I swear foolishness can hide in all different kinds of packages. The opposite sex is truly begininning to make me nervous. So, I am no longer going after my type, the opposite of my type, any type at all......I'm just going to ask God to smack me in the face with a righteous one, and some direction, and some clues, lol. Or really stop talking to anyone for a very long time. Same thing of getting sick and tired, I am. I am not the best candidate, but damn, shit happens before I am able to present myself.

Mr. Gimme Some Suga aka Wayne
Age: 46
1st Encounter: Chachos
Funniness: Weird shaped head
Ill shit #1: Thinks that pointing out my physical flaws will somehow make me want him more, make me want to belong to him, some type of "old man" mind games. Of course I had to school him on the being that is Amber. Explain to him that yes, my skin isn't perfect, and?! If you are willing to help me out with some drastic cosmetic surgery, talk about it. But if you are going to do nothing and hang on to your old man skin, kiss my ass and pay for my dinner.
Ill shit #2: Thinks that talking about how different he is from younger guys, will motivate me to think of him as more attractive. umm, not really. Just points out the fact that you are more knowledgeable, not better. Yea you know the 5 star restaurants, I hope you would, since you were alive when they were first established.
Ill shit #3: When I decide to have dinner with you, and attempt to take you seriously as a person in my life, I expect your son not to be at the table. I mean did I say I wanted a family date, NO! Did I say I wanted to meet your son and bridge a gap, NO! So innappropiate and uncomfortable I was. I was looking at the little boy, he was looking at me. I was thinking why is he so short, and he was thinking why the hell is she taking attention away from me. I'm an only child, so I can only imagine what thoughts were turning in his head. But by the end the kid liked me, but who cares really. I am not trying to be wifey/girlfriend or anything. I want companionship over a good meal! Being honest
Ill shit #4: He said "gimme some suga" I think my grandpa said that to me once.......tear!

Mr. I think it is okay to own 3 Cadillacs.......
AGE: 30!
1st Encounter: Country Western Bar (yes the hoods were in the building at Cowboy Central)
Funninness: sniffs alot.....is it crack or a cold?
Ill Shit #1: I met him on Wednesday....Thursday I had 9 calls.
Ill Shit #2: He actually said the following, "Women come a dime a dozen. And you can buy a woman too. Especially if you have transportation and some money in your pocket." I had to explain to him that not all women are impressed with shinanigins....me. And if he is able to buy a women, and he goes thru the process, he is no better than her simple ignorant behind.
Ill Shit #3: Told me he does bad things. What the hell is a "bad thing?"
Ill Shit #4: Owns 3 different Cadillacs. Escalade, a long 4 door one (not really into cars), and a third one that has at least 5 screens sitting on 24s at least and some other electronic shit I know nothing about, oh and it's candy apple red. How much does he want the police to come knocking at his door? I don't get how one could be so obsessed with one kind of car.....tear

< So I miss Taurus. He is holding down 2 jobs, good for him. Maybe he will have some down time on Monday.....I just truly don't want to start spending time at his house, because that is when he has time off. Stuff happens, expectations have the possiblity to change, other problems arise. I want to date! I want to traditionally date....get to know somebody...make sure I won't have that inner voice telling me to put you in your place all the time.....Taurus is the lucky number 32. I like the fact that I look up to him. I like he leads me. I like his name. I like saying it. I like typing it.

Run it Down.....

So back in Houston. It has been quite an adjustment. I mean dealing with my mom, having no money, trying to find a job, dealing with new prospects in my life........hilarity indeed!!

NAME: Taurus
MET: At a grown folks function
OCCUPATION: Barber
HEIGHT: Taller than me at least
DISCUSSION: He seems cool. Works almost everyday making that money. Invited me to some drinks and maybe a quite bite before he has to meet up with his family. I might be nervous. He's cool, and I like him. And he doesn't live far from me either, which is great. He lives in MO CITY BABY!!!!!

NAME: Walt
MET: Thru a friend
OCCUPATION: Something at the City of Houston
HEIGHT: Way taller than me
DISCUSSION: My homegirl, Ms. Long Hair Don't Care, talks to his homeboi....they are bestfriends and roommates. So, went over there, and he was cool as hell. And he is a member of Omega Psi Phi. No longer a Que Dawg but he is a Que Man. We ended up going swimming at like 3am. One of the best times I have had in a long ass time! Haven't talked to him really, who knows. But sidenote....he can pick me up effortless. WHOOP WHOOP! And he thinks I am skinny, time to gain some weight. HEY HEY!

NAME: Dare
MET: In High School
OCCUPATION: Something important
HEIGHT: I think the same
DISCUSSION: Just started talking. Nothing special. But he was cool as hell in high school. He is a drinker, maybe a prospective drinking buddy. Who knows who cares? It is always cool to reconnect. HOLLA!

RIP
The Nigerians of 2007 are all on the run or in jail/prison. Everyone in Dallas knew it was coming sooner or later. I wish them the best. I learned alot from them. Exposed me to alot. How things change.....................................

It Goes A Little Something Like This....

Been containing a lot of my thoughts inside. I tend to do that, not a good thing I must say. But there have been many changes and bullshit and confusion to where it hasn't been easy to blog.

But let me just spill about the following freaks of nature:

(1) Bottom Lip: thinks he is the man because he knows how to put a sentence together. I mean he thinks that talking the way he does, just makes him fine/sexy/hot/attractive/wanted/needed.....and he was none of those ( I cannot lie he looks good just too skinny). I mean he was so light skinned I thought he was glowing, I mean he was. It wasn't the bacon grease around his mouth, it was just his skin, good skin, just to glowy for me, lol. ANd the fact that I could respond to his creative sentences, just got him all hot bothered. So I played along because I was bored at the IHOP. Talked to him on the phone afterward and I swear I could feel him getting horny thru the phone. And it made me wonder, what females do you talk to? Not happening, I don't support it!

(2) Short Fat Fuck/Shortie Doo Whop: set me up, put me in a horrible situation, and then expected me to continue to give him the time of day. LIke I know I am not the baddest, but I know I am fulfulling a favor by putting up with hotmess. So I say I don't want to talk to him anymore, and he can't accept that. But when I talk to another male, and he finds out, all of a sudden I am horrible, he doesn't want to talk to mme, I am a whore/slut/hoe and so on and so on. Like get a life, wack word usage doesn't hurt my feelings, and I still don't feel bad or want you. Illl (nasty sound) if I have to run into him. I ahven't, and it's been a blessing.

(3) Potential SugarDaddy: I don't know what is going on in his life, but glad he is still in the potential status. He has his hot days and his cold days. Either day it makes me nervous.

(4) Grown Ass Man/Dule: still calls randomly. Will never say he misses me, but will say where have you been, why havn't I heard from you, you just came across my mind, I don't know why I called....and he continues. It's like bullshit, admit it, and since you can't the conversation will remain less that 2minutes. I don't need my feelings getting all in a motion because you decided to give me seconds/minutes of your life. I deserve more and I deserve better.

(5) My Mother: I know it is wrong to call her a freak of nature, but she's been acting freakish lately. I mean her fear of staying in the house and being safe has transferred into fear of Amber's whereabouts. I mean I get calls, her friends are calling. I can't take it! I tried to stay in Houston with her, but she started making me paranoid. I know she went thru a crazy scary experience, but damn her behavior made it more scary. I wasn't tripping about staying there, until when I wen t to sleep and she was coming in my room at least 3-4 times to check on me. Or every noise she shouts out my name. Scary Scary Scary!!! I am going to go home in a couple of weeks, gotta be there for her, but damn I am jumpy in my apt here, TEAR!

(6) My BestFriend: don't know if we are even still friends. I haven't heard from her ever since I said I couldn't afford to go to her Moving Away/Going Away party. I mean the tickets are $100 and that was presale. Then it's an all white party so I would have to get something to wear. That's at least $50 - $100. I said I coudlnt afford it, and I got hit with some rude ass text messages. Tear my life. I was sad that day, because it was like calling out an insecurity. But I talked it out (w/myself), then talked it out with another homegirl to see if I was tripping, watched Lifetime, and realized that even if I had $100 it wouldn't go to a party. I love shoes too much. There are a pair of shoes that I really really want for that price, well a bit nmore expensive. I don't know.

(7) John Mccain: you are too old to run for president.

(8) Kendrick Dennis: how do you know about this blog? I mean you are one FBI/CIA kind of nigga. I just know by the age of 32 you will have killed me or have attempted to kill me. Either way Adam has the rights to write my Lifetime Movie......MOMENT OF TRUTH: The Amber Clark Story LOL. How you still make me laugh and smile....so weird but sweet huh? (Whoa is me, I'm a victim)

(9) Braxton Williams: I want you to forget I existed. NO I didn't call you on my birthday, or check in when I returned to Houston. NO I didn't change my schedule when you got off work. NO NO NO do I owe you anything. And at some point in your life you sould realize that. Still you are my first puppy love.

(10) Jermaine the Lame: for being the type of guy I didn't know I would truly like and be interested in. It sucks how I came to find out he's engaged, and now he isn't, and it's still ill (nasty sound). I know we get along great, have more in common than any other guy I have ever had interest in. I can stay on the phone with him for hours, talking, not just sitting on the phone. He truly makes me laugh, not that fake laugh people hear when they are sucky not funny. I love how I kind of get excited when I hear his ringtone ring, the chance at seeing him, the compliments he dishes out, smiling....But I know we could never be serious, be to weird.

That's about it for right now....Have a great day!

Negro Please

The Ish:

So I went to Houston with Little Bit and the Spanish Conquistador (code names, they get them, chill out). Really went to spend time with mi mama (who is feeling better, but isn't all the way there) and ended having the opportunity to go to the Mary J/Jay Z concert.

My person of sponsership was supposed to be the guy I met last time I was home. Unfortunately he was discovered to have a great amount of back hair. But I kept in touch, cuz he can always shave/wax that off. He offered me a ticket I glady accepted.

All of a sudden my inbox of text messages was full of things like this.....
"I can't wait!!" "I'm excited" "Can't wait to see yo sexy azz again"

~~Pause~~

~~Breathe~~


Now I know I am supposed to be excited that a man would be excited to spend time with me.

I know I am supposed to feel flattered when a man throws compliments my way.

But something just doesn't sit right, when the man sends more than 6 messages of this kind like he just got out of jail, or a submarine or something. He made me nervous.....

So the day comes of the concert, I'm not too excited. Because I am not really a concert person unless I see some backupdancers, the set changing, like I need to get my money's worth. Jay Z, I have the DVD, that's good enough for me. But no way was I going to be able to listen to Mary scream in the mic about how KC did her wrong, and the depression, and how she needs acceptance.........AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Then homeboi hits me with the worst of it all......"What color are you wearing, I need to know so we can match."

~~Pause~~

~~Breathe~~

~~WTF~~

In the end, I didn't go to the concert. I actually got him to sell my ticket and give me the profits. Well he only gave me some of the profits, but I thought that was better than nothing.

What I learned:

1. I need to work on my patience.

2. I truly have a thing against back hair (never knew before seeing his). Especially when it goes above the shirt, like you can see it and all. And it's curly and thick, ill

3. Learn to accept things that I think and know are wack. Give a brother a chance, even thou he wants to wear matching outfits (even thou we are not in middle school and it isn't a Frankie Beverly and Maze concert).

males switching it on me!

NIGGA #1: I met him @kona grill. He seemed nice enough, I decided to be bold and send a note over. Big mistake I will regret later. We chatted it up and decided to meet up at Scott Gertners (establishment in Houston). Well I meant the Sports Bar and he wound up at the Sky Bar (same guy owns 2 establishments). So that was the first indicator he was older.
Then he said he went to UNT and asked if I ever stayed at the "Ramps." The ramps refer to a college dorm on campus, but hasn't been called that since the 90s. DING DING DING, he might be older, not just older, but pushing his forties out the bank!
I asked how many children he had in a "get to know you convo." He said one. I said well how old is he. He repied that he didn't want to tell me for fear of being found out. That shit confused the hell out of me. Then he told me his son was 19YEARS OLD. I mean, that nigga is a few years younger than me. Umm no.
ISSUE: (1) The man has yet to tell me how old he is. (2) The man knows I am way to young for his ass but trying to dib in the candy store (3) If you can't confess your age, what else will you choose to hid in the future.

NIGGA #2: He's engaged, and yall have heard about him.....JERMAINE THE LAME is ENGAGED! How I found out? I called him on my way home at like 2:45am. A chick answers. I immediately hang up and delete his number out o fmy phone. Nothing further. The chick continues to blow up my phone, left a voicemail, sent me text message, I mean chick is crazy. Then he starts texting me like it's no big deal he's been found out. Then chick created messages from me, that she fowarded to him (why would she foward messages and they are in the same house, think) so he could get angry at me and I guess go running back to her. They deserve eachother. And negro is still trying to talk to me, ILLLL
ISSUE: (1) When I asked him why he didnt tell me from the jump he was engaged, he replied he was going to tell me...tear my fucking life (2) He thinks he's having fun, it's not a big deal he's dipping behind his fiancee (3)illl he's fucking engaged (4) thankfully I didn't sleep with ole dude, or get emotionally attached, my ass might have been depressed somewhere crying int he shower, lol

NIGGA #3: I thought he was a friend of mine. We talk about everything. And all of a sudden last night he starts dancing with me too damn much, flirting, trying to be touchiefeelie, giving me googlie eyes, and then asking if I would come home with him for company. WHAT THE FUCK? When did our friendship change? Why did it have to change? NOw I am uncomfortable and don't know what to say to the nigga. I mean, what in the hee haw hell
ISSUE: (1) It's not fair that a "friend" switches up the game on me and now I got to go find another homeboi that I can trust (2) I need him to realize that I will eventually have to hurt his feelings, friend or not!

NIGGA #4: I met a guy at this lounge in Houston. Convo was ok, nothing special. Then a friend pointed out to me his CURLY, ABOVE THE SHIRT, THICK ASS BACK HAIR.
ISSUE: (1) How is it growing above your shirt? (2) Why is it so thick and curly? (3) Why haven't you shaved it or brushed it down? (4) I am mad that when I see him call me or text me I get a vision of the back hair. I know I am not perfect, but it was disgusting. Illl my tummy hurts now.

NIGGA #5: I've known this gentleman for awhile now. He has a thing for titties, but not mine or yours, his own.
ISSUE: (1) The fact he felt comfortable enough to let me know he is one with his titties and they turn him on to some extent.