I have the right to call corporate/headquarters when....

I have the right to call corporate/headquarters when...........

• I pull up to McDonalds at 5:45am. I am in the mood for breakfast. The sign says 24hours, so I am confident that I will get something tasty. I look at the menu, and of course the menu hasn't been switched to breakfast, I am annoyed. 5 minutes go by, and no one acknowledges me. SO, Tia is with me, and says pull up, we hungry! We literally have to bang on the window to get somebody's attention. The person's attention we grab doesn't speak English, so she disappears behind the corner. 5 minutes later a sleepy manager comes to greet us. Tells us they are closed, they don't open to 6am, goodbye...tear my life. So you know I had at least 10 questions for her, and she closes the window on me. Really? I got you.
• Olive Garden for not trying to bring me my salad and breadsticks. I ordered my food, I ordered my drink, what more do you want? Do I need to pay before hand? Are yall that much in the hole yall don't trust me with the items you decided to offer me?
  
• When Wendy's continually forgets to give me croutons when I order a salad. I guess they think it is not a big deal, or she will drive away. Hell to the naw! The salad is not the same, the dressing is not the same. In my world, it's not a salad. So yes, I do drive around back to the window, and even have the balls to request an extra bag for my emotional stress.
• I guess KFC has a time requirement, because the one on 2234 in Missouri City....oooo weee....if you don't spit out you want a number 2 with a coke and mash potatoes as your side in 5 seconds or less. Chick will repeat herself, yell at you, over talk you, make you feel bad you ordering food to eat.
• Any pizza establishment claiming to run out of dough....it's the main ingredient!!! I find this to happen at Little Caesars. And I hate when they offer you a soda or some wings in replacement...but with no discount.
• Marble Slab by my house getting a C from the health inspector....how?????????
• When KFC doesn't have original recipe available...isn't that like yalls things! Only reason why I come here.....
• Olive Garden for pretending to forget the tasty chocolates when they bring me my crazy bill.
  
• When KFC doesn't have original recipe available...but you get original recipe in your box......I mean what is the training session teaching????
• The McDonalds by my house telling me there is no such thing as a McGrille when it appears on the advertisement in front of my face. Then has the nerve to catch an attitude, as if I would lie about a sandwich.
• chilli's restaurant for changing the Chicken Crisper recipe everytime I order it.
• Black Eyed Peas for changing the recipe for their rolls, what the hell for???
  

Do you hate.......as much as I do?

Do you hate........

• people that call you werid, wack, or lame because you like to open up a book and read it
• people who put Christmas decorations on their car
• the cell phone people in the mall (who scream at you and give every excuse why you should waste 5 minutes of your time)
• lady in the mall that is always trying to sell me a flat iron
• people who allow their children to chill in the shopping cart instead of using their legs and walking
• males who drive Bugs
• males who drive Bugs with rims on them
• people who shoot their guns in the air as if the bullets will never come down
• Oprah for still talking about her troubles with weight loss
• males who swing their vehicle in front of me in order to "holla" at me (so almost causing my death is a good sign I should talk to you)
• people who ask for your phone number, you give it to them, then they proceed to call you private and expect you to answer the phone
• people who cop a feel on whatever body part they prefer that day while they walk by you
• people who stand outside of parties, they never go in, just stand outside for 2-4 hours
• people that support holiday ringtones for every holiday (especially Christmas)
• how many times Obama says "uh", "um"
• people who claim they don't have time to read your blog, but will refer to your blog in conversation

...........as much as I do?

Seriously.....

It's sad when the only male I can trust is the guy who makes my wings at WingStop. When I ask him for extra seasoning, I get extra seasoning. He doesn't even charge. He doesn't lie to me and say the food is ready when it isn't. He tells me to have a nice day. He is dependable. When I call, he answers, even if it is his job, it only rings like once or twice. I never get sent to voicemail.

and then I compare....

I wish if someone wasn't interested, or wasn't completly honest with their intentions, they would leave me alone. What is the point of asking if we can spend time, if you turn up ghost in a matter of minutes? What's the point of asking me out, but then never taking me out on a date? I don't get it. I didn't put forth the effort so why is the crap being thrown in my direction. Uh I wish I had the will to use the power of a drill......

...............drill some sense into his skull. It can almost hurt your feelings when someone is playing around with your feelings, times, thoughts, amount of text messages, etc. It's even worse when you didn't ask for it. When I mean didn't ask....I didn't ask shiznet.

I did not get the digits, make the first move, imagine a scenario to make a connection; I did not do nothing except listen and try to pay attention.

I regret paying attention. And I would love to say it's just one guy, but it's not. It's two.

Guy number two went on and on about Tuesday. All the different ideas he had for a date on Tuesday. How he doesn't work on Tuesday, and all this time he had to give to me. Again, nothing, nada, not a text, not a call, nothing.

I could see if I was desperate and begged to be taken on a date, or begged for attention. None of that came out of this mouth!

ILLNESS

In 2009, and even the rest of December, I would like to be left alone if you are not serious or honest. You = males. It's hard not becoming a hater or bitter.

I have the RIGHT...

.....to be annoyed at the ridiculous amount of Christmas music being played on the radio, in grocery stores, at gas stations, speakers outside of the mall, in restaurants, and my teddy bear that randomly likes to sing Jingle Bells.

... to get on a schedule of Tylenol PM! Seriously I am having real sleep issues. My body and my mind think it's okay to sleep after 6am to about 12/1pm. Such illness. Yea I catch my court shows, but damn, I would rather dream about my court shows. Of course I don't want to get dependent, but these hours are not cool. Especially when it gets interrupted, and I am grumpy for hours on end. Plus the fact I am missing time to eat.

.....to be ashy.

.....to hate on the imitation leather leggings. I hate them with a passion. The only person I like them on is Christina Milian, oh and Rhianna and Keri Hilson. Pass that, they should not be sold. Should have a detailed and difficult application process! I had to walk down the street and keep looking at jigglin legs all around me. ILLNESS!! Where are the honest friends that say, " girl why don't you wear this, so much hotter!" But no, let them jiggle their way on down the road. And then they are so shiny, I have an issue with that. I don't know why. Maybe cuz it's worn with non shiny sweaters and non shiny shoes. But when do you decide the limit of shinyness.

.....to not own an Obama shirt. I refuse

.....to inform kids when they are innappropiate. Like if they bump into me and don't say excuse me, or looking at me even thou I am not playing the funny face game with them, you know making me uncomfortable. Yes, you can assume I don't want kids. I can't imagine the devotion and love I would have to offer, giving me tumor now.

.....to be bitter towards the opposite sex. I have been given many reasons. I can justify my distaste with detailed examples. But on the real, I have looked in the mirror. And truly been like, "girl get it together." But in 2008 I haven't had the opportunity to make an ill mistake, a blooper before I am slapped in the face. Just pure boldness, innappropiate boldness. Like I am supposed to be on someone elses schedule, I am supposed to want to give myself (100%) for 20% in exchange, supposed to be excited when I get a text message because that shows effort...not! Or like when I had to push a dude twice, yell, curse, frown and threaten to get security because he didn't understand my ass didn't belong to him.

........to be depressed. I am unhappy. My mom won't get help. I can't make her get help.

Answer this....

1. Doesn't it make you smile when someone randomly sends you a text message saying, "I just thought about you."

2. Who's happy about ten dollaz equals half a tank?

3. Don't you wish yo girlfriend was hot like me?

4. If I run away, who is going to put me up?

5. Why isn't Keri HIlson blowing up like she should? She has talent, so much talent!!!

6. Why won't AT&T give me a free phone?

7. Who's gonna nominate me for next season's Bad Girlz Club?....opportunities people

8. Who is surprised like me about the new McDonald's commercial? Exactly like a Carl Thomas music video. Is it not weird they are comparing cheating to not sharing a 10 piece?

9.Who is more surprised than me that I actually have a date on Friday? A real date....hmmm intersting

10. Why won't my mom get help??


12. How come Comcast doesn't think Oxygen is a regular channel like BRAVO? I am at my sister's house and of course I cannot watch Bad Girls Club today. SO sad I am.

MY COUSIN IS AWESOME!!FOOTBALL AWESOME

1. North Shore
2. Pearland
3. FB Hightower
4. Katy Cinco Ranch
5. Katy
6. Aldine Eisenhower
7. Deer Park
8. Beaumont West Brook
9. Houston Madison
10. Houston Lamar

My cousin plays for Pearland High School. His name is Corbin Smith. As you can see his team is ranked #2 in Texas in the region. The team is also undefeated.

I am just so proud of him. He plays the whole game. He hustles. He gets interceptions. He runs fast as hell. And he is cute while doing it. HOLLA!

Please, let us all say a prayer and a wish for him to make it to state!!

A New Sleep...if that makes sense

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!

I slept in Tia's bed.
Best sleep I have had in a minute.
It's so dark in there, the sunshine can't get thru.
I had good dreams.
Yes, I did mean "dreams" to be plural.
Of course I got 3 calls in the morning from the "mother who is no longer herself."
Of course she tried everything in the book.
And still I don't want to spend Thanksgiving with her.
I just need a break from her, and she needs a break from me!
Of course I will miss my kidnapping attempts on the cornbread muffins fresh out the oven.
Of course I will miss my aunt telling me off about how I am stealing the cornbread muffins.
I LOVE CORNBREAD MUFFINS. HELL, I JUST LOVE BREAD.

Good note: Dule might be coming to Houston.........oh my goodness!

Good note: My friends have really been good to me lately.

Bad note: I need a perm so bad, it's crazy. I just don't feel like doing it myself. I might breakdown and pay someone else to do it. I mean I have Pringles...wavy/nappy hair.

Good note: Tia is feeling better. Had her appendix removed, but man did they give her some good medicine. I am not going to lie to yall. I had one, and maybe that was the goodness to the sleep. lol. Who cares, I slept thru the night and woke up feeling like I hadn't just had the fight of my life. But if yall have some crazy stomach pains, or side pains make sure you go get it checked out immediately. Cuz Tia was fortunate enough to get it taken care of before it burst, oooo wee!

Question I need an answer to:

What happened to all of the Long John Silvers?

New Friend Moment: Little Spitfire, real name: AZ, is Tia's good friend. I have been getting to know her and she is cool. At first I didn't think our personalities would mesh, but they did :). She is crazy as hell but has the biggest heart. She believes in love. She can dance her ass off. Once won a "My Dougie" contest. Loves her!

Thanksgiving....what happened?

I used to get excited about this holiday.

I could care less this year.

Well really I didn't care last year. I was in New Orleans.

This year, I am in Houston, minding my own business.....but who is the 1 person who won't give me peace....my mother!
I mean, my homegirl has been the hospital for some days, and I have been with her. Of course my mother had a problem with that. Not that I was trying to be a good friend, or the fact I fucked up my back in that chair, but that I wasn't at home for her to take her frustrations out on. Tear my life.
So I told her days ago I was not, and refused to go to the country to my grandma's house. I just don't have the mind to be around family. I don't feel like hearing about why we don't have this certain dish cuz my aunt wrist hurts too much to cook everything....but she won't give up no recipes or give warning, BOO!
Of course she attempts to charge me up today.....where are you? you doing drugs? you at a drug house? when are you coming home? you aren't going to grandma's?.....and on and on.....
I am tired of her paranoia. I told her I have been at the hospital and somehow it has turned into me hanging out at a drug house. HOw does it go left to right?

So I am spending it with Tia, my poor friend who just had her appendix taken out. I am spending it with her family who is laid back and treats me like family. I don't feel the need to fake a smile. I can be myself and eat and not be depressed.

And what happened to the business of Thanksgiving? Traveling is down. Decorations are non-existent, I only see Christmas stuff that was put out right after Halloween....hmmmmm.....suspicious...

reality

It's been hard to blog lately.

It's been hard to publish what has already been typed.

To sum it up, it is hell living with my mother. Her mood swings, her paranoia, her memory loss.....it's depressing. I never thought I would see her like this. I honestly can't handle it. I have reached to family and friends but the adults tell me to hold on, support her, she's yo momma, help her, we are talking about, la di da di da. Not helping!

ex. I can't even use nail polish remover because she thinks I am sniffing it. The smell is too strong for her. Therefore there is no way I could be using it with nail polish, I must be getting high. Tear my life. If anything she is making me miss...well I am not going to go there.

Found a job. Got excited. Then wasn't given all the proper information. Missed the training school. Tear my lfie. So no job. But started babysitting so that's money, it's cash, it's nice, the kids are good, back to waking up early in the morning. YEA!

Let's talk about crazy friends. I thought the older I got some petty shit would disappear. Boy was I wrong. But I am learning and losing and winning along the way. It's getting easier letting people go. I no longer have the will or need to try to keeep them in my life or whatever. It's like bye bye. I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt.

Reading has become my passion once again and taking all of my money. But it eases my mind, make me happier.

I have been thinking about my dad lately. Random in my eyes.

I am truly looking for understanding, for direction. I want to make my own solid foundation. Sometimes I feel a part of me is missing, and I don't know what part or why. I am interested in moving. THinking about NEw Orleans because of all the new business coming their way. Like the Trump TOwers. Hmm.......

The Winter Boo

What is a winter boo?

• Needs to have a decent amount of body fat, muscles and soft muscles, just a teddy bear like feel
• doesn't really feel the need to talk all the time, only when I need him to or he's talking about what we are going to eat
• smells good, I mean close distance (I will smell good as well, wearing Euphoria right now, oooo weeeee)
• shaves (of course me to)
• deep voice to put me to sleep or remind me of romance novels
• available on the coldest and darkest of nights
• emotionally stable
• somewhat cute, gots to look in front of the fire and that is natural light
• Takes direction, open to new things....only in the subject of what kind of food we will be eating and the movie to watch
• no ashiness
• local
• Understand he is a winter boo, not a booty call

It's getting cold out there. And teddy bears are only so big and so just not human. So a winter boo makes everything better. Conversation, fulfillment, enjoyment for both parties.

I'm on the prowl......................

Does he think I am stupid?

This man has the nerve to walk around calmly. Like I don't see him texting back and forth...back and forth. That damn noise (duh duh duh) has been reocurring for about an hour. I guess he thinks putting the phone on vibrate equals silence...not it does not!!!

Of course I am staring him down. Waiting for him to slip up and set that phone down. Oh, but today would be the day it stays in his pocket. I don't even want to go thru it; okay maybe take a peep; reall throw it against the wall.

What's going you ask?

What's really going is that I am in a state of disbelief. How can he think that I htink he's handling business or connecting with honest and true friends......

What's going to happen?

Well, I sent him a text. By the time he gets it I shall be walking away...turning the corner...not looking back at the foolishness. I'm not in the mood for a confrontation, or an explanation or nothing. If I am spending quality time, can you do the same. I could be at home trying to read the Twilight series or watching Law and Order.

BOOO BOOOO

So he texts back....come back. So now he calls. Ummm to late.

LOL

New Orleans

I am here. Partying, eating, dancing......yes I am having fun. But decided to take a break while I am putting my "face" (makeup).

Questions I have:

How come Donald Trump can build some million odd dollar building and the whole city has yet to be taken care of?

Why do so many males have dreads?

Why are hand gernades so addicting?

How come nobody knows what's in those tube shots?

Why the hell is pizza better in New Orleans? I mean it's so good it competes witht he pizza I had in NY!

RANDOMNESS!!!!!!!!!!

So I am leaving a club called Dreams, and I run into Ron. He was a guy I dated a while back that flipped the script all the way around on me. What are the odds? THe place I met him in, I see him when I am randomly here. It hurt to see him. But I didn't have the courage to approach him. Tear my life and my random acts of nervousness.

I DID NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE HOMECOMING FESTIVITIES THIS YEAR.....AND I FEEL FINE

#7 Job Blues

So this lady tells me her husband works for Dillards....

Tells me I should be interested, look into it, something to do, great pay, benefits....basically better than Macy's...

She tells me I should be a cotton ball.......

1st thought in my head is like my grandma used to pick cotton......

Has this lady said a racist joke to my face............

What does a cotton ball and a job at Dillards have in common......

Oh My goodness..........

She proceeds to explain to me is cotton ball is a term for the chicks at the cosmetic counters.......

Good.......

Makes sense...............

Ooooo the discount on makeup and perfume.........

Ooooo the disappearance of paycheck I have yet to recieve.................

Coolio!!!!!!

Solutions

Now that last blog....whew....venting on the third boderline suicidal power yall! But that breaking point has already been broken. So no other direction to go but left, right, or up.

Yes, I have a few solutions, that help in my dark times.

SLEEP

I feel so much better after a nap. Even if it is only 15 minutes, I am like heck yea. Unless that 15 minutes was too damn good, and I wake up like damn and hopefully have the option to close my eyes again.

SLEEP DURING THE RAIN

I will think about that particular sleeping sesson into the next tme it rains. It's like my body is floating. No messy face when I wake up.....just peace

READING

Now I always read, But I have been a book shopping spree lately. I go over to Walmart late at night and browse the covers, find one I like, read the summary, and either buy it or continue my search. The only problem is I can read a book in the time it takes some to flip through a magazine. Ok, maybe not that fast, but you get the picture.

BAKING

We all know I am not domestic. But sometimes whipping up some items gives me a task, a fulfilling task. Especially cookies. I eat alot of them the first day, then I lose the taste. Still I enjoy it, hopefully preparing me for my future housewife duties.

SHIRTS AND SKINS

New reality show about a gay basketball team. It comes on the LOGO channel Mondays at 9pm. BEST DAMN REALITY SHOW, LOL. And you can also go to the LOGO website. You want a laugh, or even just want tot watch some basketball, watch it. It si addiciting.

INCREASING MY BLUNTNESS AND HONESTY

It doesn't really work in the "mommy and me" department, but everywhere else....heck yea. Not as much bs coming thru the cell phone, the myspace, the facebook or the front door.

NOT BEING ON FACEBOOK AS MUCH

really I cannot keep up with the many changes.

PLANNING ON RUNNING

I never plan to run, get my heart rate up or anything. But thinking about a new exercise plan is helping just a bit. I am so nervous the first day I put on my shoes and get on the sidewalk....BOO!

LOOKING FOR A HALOWEEN COSTUME

I am thinking about a sexy Native American costume I found or a sexy chef. Well, just planning ahead is a treat

STILL LOOKING FOR A JOB AND NOT GIVING UP

Thinking about applying at Dillards. Good pay, good discount, good benefits. Nothing could be mroe good

So.................shoutouts to the people who are still beside me, holding me up, rooting for me, everything......Appreciations....love

Hiding...Protecting...

I have been M.I.A. for real. Moving back to Houston is not providing this transition/progession/enlightenment that I thought it would. It's actually making me look back and miss some times I shouldn't be missing.

BITCHASSNESS STRESS..........

1. EX Boyfriends: Well, I guess me moving back home, he took as an opportunity to get his old main chick back on his right side, cuz the left is already taken. I refuse to be the other woman, woman of dark night pleasure or anything. I deserve top bill status! It's so pathetic to know he is in some relationship but still trying to dabble. I feel if you are not satisfied keep it moving. But she keeps him fed, and he keeps gaining weight. So I guess their two increasingly fat selves can be happy. All I know is, his big titties are getting nowhere near my small ones.

2. EX Bestfriends: so I am minding my own business at Chachos (late night eatery) and I keep hearing my name called. Everytime I turn around the girl ducks down behind her "group." It doesn't make sense to me. SO I ask Little Bit to come next to me and see this "crazy person" when they rise from their shame. Who else?? Amber (no not taling about myself, we share the same first name). Like what the hell??? Can't let shit go??? Then she attempts to get Little Bit's attention I guess to start a fiasco? I thought I was doing good by not running into her, keeping her name out of my mouth, just ending like an adult. And there she is trying to be messy, funny, ignorant, start some shit up, who knows what her motivation is. All I could do was say a short prayer and leave the restuarant. No sense in me letting her ruin my evening......ill.....bad taste in my mouth. All I know is she needs to forget I existed, because I saw her when I first moved down and she was like a complete stranger.

3. Mothers: who just won't get help when they need it. Make someone's life a living hell, pushes them to their limit, then cries cuz that will make it all better. Complain of how unsuccessful you are, but limit your chances and resources to rise. Don't understand how you might be 24 years old. Don't understand the transition of moving from an apartment to back home. Understanding the age gap and how it will never be closed, a damn near 45 year age gap. Just not getting help, not taking care of herself, and taking it out on me. It hurts in a different kind of pain that I am ready to pack my things and move to Canada with $10.00.

4. MARRIED MEN: I don't know what it is, but they are everywhere, acting as if they are single. Hanging in single places, saying single things, dressing like they are single....then POOF! I am married, but not like that.....what does not like that mean? illl get away from me, you and your potentially crazy wife.

5. AT&T: Trying to make me feel good by telling me I have an upgrade, but i don't get anything for the upgrade. I just pay a cheaper price for the phone. Nothing free, nothing truly just upgraded. Liars!!! And have the nerve to have like only 10 phones in the store for me to choose from. Tear my life.

6. Houstonians who can't grasp what "tear my life" means: I only say it in certain situations. I always give context clues. I mean damn. They act like I just started spitting Chinese.

7. Job Hunting: it hurts my head. Trying to get that application done correctly so mine stands out. Our making sure my resume is faxed/emailed over properly. Scheduling an interview. Getting an interview. Feedback after the interview. Realizing the pay and how different it is from the advertisement. People telling my mom they can give me the hookup at their job, in reality they can't. They just juicing her up about how she's mad I don't have a job. What to wear to the interview. Who is intervieiwing. Preparing for the interview. What questions to ask........AAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I NEED A GOOD OLE BOY TYPE HUSBAND WHO WANTS ME TO BE HIS GOOD OLE GIRL TYPE HOUSEWIFE.

p.s. Dallas I miss you.......

The Time

It's been hard for me to blog lately. Stuff is changing. Feelings are getting tested. Too many damn thoughts going through my mind. Folks testing my breaking point.

Like today...I was reminded of a past friendship. I have made a promise to myself that I will not become friends with her again, but today I missed the friendship, but not her. Does that make sense? At one point it was complete understanding. I didn't have to hide any part of me and if I tried it didn't work.

I really need to talk to God to get my relationship on some sort of path with my mom. I can't stand it. It hurts alot. I can't talk to her freely. She doesn't know me and I don't know her. 5 seconds of loving bliss turns into an all out brawl. I can't say I miss the days when we were close cuz that was never the case. In her world she thinks it is so. But we only talked when we had to. She only found out personal stuff by chance. It pains me, cuz I don't have a dad to go ask for advice. My aunts and uncles think it's not that bad so can't go to their wisdom or helping hands. I hate feeling alone in that house. People have bigger problems, but a relationship with my mom I view priceless. I don't know, I am rambling.

Even the mighty Nigerians have fallen. I knew their time would come, can't live fast and flashy forever. But facing 25 is crazy! I remember when my aunt died and KG took me out to distract my mind and he put a smile on my face. Months later we are fighting, physically fighting, then strangers, and now he is running. I remember how Que used to be so damn sensitive and now he is being shipped from one federal prison to another. As much went down with that crew, I feel bad for them. Especially Charlie, if there was a way I could visit him or call I would. I mean he was always so sweet. I can say he was a homeboi who listened. Maybe one day I could write him a letter of appreciation.

It would be nice to disappear for real. If I have one more friend hurt me, see more death in my family, one more fight with my mother, one more person reminding me how pathetic I feel that I havne't found a good job, one more negro feeling some sort of attachment to my weight/butt, one more person not hearing me when I say I am hurting and listen.......dark place.

Happier note:

~Kroger makes these off the chain iced sugar cookies

~Reading a great book

~Had a great time at my line sister's wedding

~Reading Daphne's blog

~My mom found my dad's old wallet

So........niggas niggaz negros negras

Trying to broaden my horizons. Different types of men. I swear foolishness can hide in all different kinds of packages. The opposite sex is truly begininning to make me nervous. So, I am no longer going after my type, the opposite of my type, any type at all......I'm just going to ask God to smack me in the face with a righteous one, and some direction, and some clues, lol. Or really stop talking to anyone for a very long time. Same thing of getting sick and tired, I am. I am not the best candidate, but damn, shit happens before I am able to present myself.

Mr. Gimme Some Suga aka Wayne
Age: 46
1st Encounter: Chachos
Funniness: Weird shaped head
Ill shit #1: Thinks that pointing out my physical flaws will somehow make me want him more, make me want to belong to him, some type of "old man" mind games. Of course I had to school him on the being that is Amber. Explain to him that yes, my skin isn't perfect, and?! If you are willing to help me out with some drastic cosmetic surgery, talk about it. But if you are going to do nothing and hang on to your old man skin, kiss my ass and pay for my dinner.
Ill shit #2: Thinks that talking about how different he is from younger guys, will motivate me to think of him as more attractive. umm, not really. Just points out the fact that you are more knowledgeable, not better. Yea you know the 5 star restaurants, I hope you would, since you were alive when they were first established.
Ill shit #3: When I decide to have dinner with you, and attempt to take you seriously as a person in my life, I expect your son not to be at the table. I mean did I say I wanted a family date, NO! Did I say I wanted to meet your son and bridge a gap, NO! So innappropiate and uncomfortable I was. I was looking at the little boy, he was looking at me. I was thinking why is he so short, and he was thinking why the hell is she taking attention away from me. I'm an only child, so I can only imagine what thoughts were turning in his head. But by the end the kid liked me, but who cares really. I am not trying to be wifey/girlfriend or anything. I want companionship over a good meal! Being honest
Ill shit #4: He said "gimme some suga" I think my grandpa said that to me once.......tear!

Mr. I think it is okay to own 3 Cadillacs.......
AGE: 30!
1st Encounter: Country Western Bar (yes the hoods were in the building at Cowboy Central)
Funninness: sniffs alot.....is it crack or a cold?
Ill Shit #1: I met him on Wednesday....Thursday I had 9 calls.
Ill Shit #2: He actually said the following, "Women come a dime a dozen. And you can buy a woman too. Especially if you have transportation and some money in your pocket." I had to explain to him that not all women are impressed with shinanigins....me. And if he is able to buy a women, and he goes thru the process, he is no better than her simple ignorant behind.
Ill Shit #3: Told me he does bad things. What the hell is a "bad thing?"
Ill Shit #4: Owns 3 different Cadillacs. Escalade, a long 4 door one (not really into cars), and a third one that has at least 5 screens sitting on 24s at least and some other electronic shit I know nothing about, oh and it's candy apple red. How much does he want the police to come knocking at his door? I don't get how one could be so obsessed with one kind of car.....tear

< So I miss Taurus. He is holding down 2 jobs, good for him. Maybe he will have some down time on Monday.....I just truly don't want to start spending time at his house, because that is when he has time off. Stuff happens, expectations have the possiblity to change, other problems arise. I want to date! I want to traditionally date....get to know somebody...make sure I won't have that inner voice telling me to put you in your place all the time.....Taurus is the lucky number 32. I like the fact that I look up to him. I like he leads me. I like his name. I like saying it. I like typing it.

My Issues With Politics

1. Why does Obama's acceptance speech have to be such a profound usage of foolery? I mean the lights the stage, the music, the location, etc.? Watching the speech now, and it is a great speech. He doesn't need all that drama. No other president has needed such a show to get elected or to be so desperate for the votes of independent voter.



2. Why won't John Mccain tell the world who his running mate is? Okay....it is some random lady from Alaska, go snow! Bet Obama's team is nervous about all those potential females votes to lose. Ooopsies, bet Clinton isn't look so harmful now at all



3. Isn't it crazy how great Hillary Clinton's speech was? I think the best one of her life. I really hope she is able to make some fierce changes in Washington with that new degree of passion....especially for health care.

4. Who else thinks Republicans are hillarious? From their crazy affiars, hillarious statements, outrageous backgrounds, I can't wait for the Republican National Convention!

5. How come on TV1 their coverage had to be called the "DNC Afterparty?" Guess it is too hard to spell out Democratic National Convention, or too hard to give the show a proper name like panel or something. It's not a party, it is politics! Serious business.

6. Damn it's a bitch I didn't keep my major political science......

7. And another comment about TV1, why are there comedians on the panel? Well let me say less informed comedians contributing to the conversation of the importance of this election. Sheryl's first comment related to Hillary's suit, not the content of her speech and the potential impact it might have. Tear on Sheryl's life!

8. So....if Mccain's hair is already white, what color will it change when he gets really stressed?

Politics, what a ham?

Take A Note!!

Sidenote: To Torrence, I am scared. I am scared of the city of Atlanta and anyone that decides to make that their home. lol

Clearly this is going to be all over the place. Please just read it, laugh, take it to the head like a shot of tequilla.....

NIGGAS WHO KEEP CALLING ME SKINNY/ANOREXIC/CANCEROUS: I guess these individuals haven't seen me in a long time. Or maybe they have changed their taste buds to big/thick/outrageous girls. But I still wear the same clothes, so there is no way in hell I am just skinny and need to start drinking some protein shakes. Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind for the bootie to get back to it's original royalty shape, but it's still some leftover cornbread back there. I swear the next person to same some ill shit about me and some weight I may or may not have lost is going to get my good shoe stuck so far up there.........nose!!!! ?

THE FOLKS AT NBC WHO DECIDE WHAT IS GOING TO BE COVERED OF THE OLYMPICS: I feel like the Spartans or whoever intiated the Olympics began with running events. So why the hell is it so hard for me to find coverage of Track and Field? I mean that is what you think about, that is the heart of the game! I mean NBC, MSNBC, USA, CNBC not nan one thought it was important to show the 100meter. So folks waking up in the morning for no reason. But they showed competitive bicycling with that weird bike that goes really fast. Why the hell do I want to watch a weird bike go around a track that I want to see folks running on.......TEAR!

FOLKS WHO KEEP ASKING ME ABOUT FINDING A JOB BUT IN THE SAME SENTENCE TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND ONE..............: what the hell?

MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOTICING THE REPETITIVE DIALOUGE IN THE TYLER PERRY PLAYS!!!!

TAURUS: I like the man. Met up with him, I think he is awesome. But I found out in a 30 minute convo he is like 32 with two children, 10 and 12. Makes me nervous! Yes his name is Taurus, my sign.

Run it Down.....

So back in Houston. It has been quite an adjustment. I mean dealing with my mom, having no money, trying to find a job, dealing with new prospects in my life........hilarity indeed!!

NAME: Taurus
MET: At a grown folks function
OCCUPATION: Barber
HEIGHT: Taller than me at least
DISCUSSION: He seems cool. Works almost everyday making that money. Invited me to some drinks and maybe a quite bite before he has to meet up with his family. I might be nervous. He's cool, and I like him. And he doesn't live far from me either, which is great. He lives in MO CITY BABY!!!!!

NAME: Walt
MET: Thru a friend
OCCUPATION: Something at the City of Houston
HEIGHT: Way taller than me
DISCUSSION: My homegirl, Ms. Long Hair Don't Care, talks to his homeboi....they are bestfriends and roommates. So, went over there, and he was cool as hell. And he is a member of Omega Psi Phi. No longer a Que Dawg but he is a Que Man. We ended up going swimming at like 3am. One of the best times I have had in a long ass time! Haven't talked to him really, who knows. But sidenote....he can pick me up effortless. WHOOP WHOOP! And he thinks I am skinny, time to gain some weight. HEY HEY!

NAME: Dare
MET: In High School
OCCUPATION: Something important
HEIGHT: I think the same
DISCUSSION: Just started talking. Nothing special. But he was cool as hell in high school. He is a drinker, maybe a prospective drinking buddy. Who knows who cares? It is always cool to reconnect. HOLLA!

RIP
The Nigerians of 2007 are all on the run or in jail/prison. Everyone in Dallas knew it was coming sooner or later. I wish them the best. I learned alot from them. Exposed me to alot. How things change.....................................

NO PENIS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME: Are you gay?

7 Foot Nigga Driving a Caprice: Yes

ME: Are you sure?

7 Foot Nigga Driving A Caprice: Yes

ME: All the time?

7 Foot Nigga Driving A Caprice: Yes

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I just left this gay club in Houston, Texas. Umm.............gay black men everywhere. I mean I support the cause, the movement, the decision, but damn, you start looking and realize none of these men are for me....these hundreds of men.....gorgeous men......sexy men.....tall men......men of all different skin tones....niggas with jobs......niggas with money

Then I come back to Ms. Runway Diva's and Mr. Hornyball of the Century's hotel room. I mean they are horny as hell and violating me. I am being violated as I type. OMG!! These men are playing with my emotions. I mean after they violate me, they are still gay, still happy, and I am horny and depressed. Tear my life. Mr. Hornyball of the Century just bit my....titty.....and Ms. Runway Diva is coming at me from under the table. I am being violated. I am mad at my body for liking it.

Mr. Sexy Pout is sitting here next to me laughing. And tried to protect me from the wayward feelings of Ms. Runway Diva and Mr. Hornyball of the Century. I love him, he is my protector.

In conclusion, Mr. Sexy Pout understands as a black woman I look around and say.....damn! But then I am like......damn and tear my life.

The point of this blog was to vent. I love hanging out with my friends. They make me happy and give me the friendship that I lost in others. But hanging out with them makes me wonder are there even thousands of available straight all the time black men.

If you are offended or don't understand what I'm trying to say that's awesome. Leave a comment. But hell I have had a few drinks and don't understand my damn self

ok.....I wasn't drunk at all. Just drunk in music.

The Big Hurt

The Big Hurt: this means when I notice the reaction of a Black Man to either a gay black man or a white woman. Their neck twists like they have never seen something so magical in their life. Willing to push a Black Woman out the way to get a chance with the gay black man or the white woman. Never really noticed it or cared until I went out with The Great White Hype (white chick) and Ms. Runway Diva (fab gay).

The Great White Hype

Description: cute girl, lean, curly long brown hair with highlights, wears alot of makeup, Dallas accent, tall, tans a bit

~It was cool when we were getting in the club for free. It was cool when dudes would get her a drink, then get the crew drinks too. But when black men come up to you continuosly to get introduced to your "white homegirl/white chick" it begins to get annoying. And it's offensive towards The Great White Hype too. Who wants a man to talk to you because you just so happen to be white.

~I don't know how to put it in words, but it hurt my feelings a bit. And my other homegirl who is black too. I mean you truly feel the difference in the approach, you see the difference in the looks, the difference in the touch. It hurts you know the attention she is getting, the amount and the degree, we will not recieve,well not with her included in the crew. And what it would be like to be put on a high horse just because of your skin color. I can't wait for the day when chocolate brown (my skin color) becomes the shiznit.

Ms. Runway Diva

Description: lean, chocolate brown, fade cut, pretty skin, dressed to the nines all the time, and flamming his faggotry ways for everyone to know (got the word faggotry from him, ?lol? )

~Some dude tried to holla at him, smiling and such. Then when I came to the bar, the same dude tried to holla at me. Ummm..........unacceptable.

~Knowing the fact that most of his boos are married, have girlfriends, family men, professional men, all types of men....living a different lifestyle on the side. Makes me nervous, makes me suspect of all men.

~Seeing men I know to be straight, flirt with him, or give him a head nod. Let me talk about this head nod. I mean it happens so quick you can't check it. Happens so often, it will shock you. Ms. Runway Diva had to school me, and after the lesson I wanted to cry. If I hadn't of been with Ms. Runway Diva, this world would have been a mystery. Hurts my feelings that so many men, well at least in the Dallas area are decievers.

So, The Big Hurt is a new experience going on, well has been going on for the past couple of weeks. Some people reading this blog won't agree and can't understand what I'm saying. But as a young black woman, this stuff hurts a bit. Especially when I notice women of other races not really going thru what I go thru, well at least women I know and talk to. Just had to get it off my chest.......

The Big "O" My Goodness

So this weekend made me look at my homeboi in a new light. I don't know if he needs to stop doing drugs, or if he needs to handle his sexuality, either way I DON'T SUPPORT IT.

Place: Dallas, Texas and Addisson, Texas
Day: Saturday...all day
Characters: Ms. Runway Diva, Ms. Lips, The Big "O", and Miss Shock Value
Location: Hotel Room, Cyclone (off the chain Mexican Restaurant), Ghostbar, Outside of Opus

It Goes Down Like This.....

So Ms. Runway Diva and Ms. Lips came over to the hotel room to have a convo. The Big "O" decided to stop thru. Let me just say that Ms. Runway Diva and Ms. Lips are gay fabulous might take yo man from ya type gay men.

So The Big "O" lays in the bed and takes a nap. All of a sudden he takes the covers off and propped his leg up, want all of yall to know he was wearing shorts.

(sidenote: everyone knows when a dude is wearing shorts, sometimes you can see within/down below to his box of jewels. And if you around "been out the closet type gay man" why you showing your business if you don't want someone to take a peek>

The convo began with us recapping our night at Club Che, Friday night, Gay night for those in the Dallas area. The Big "O" began to whine why we didn't invite him, and how he wanted to go next week? I mean there is a difference from being curious, compared to pure excitement. But it is 2008........

Then the Diva Duo decided they needed to know what his piece was looking like. So they asked, and he answered. Said it was like a boa?? Why are you spreading your intimate business around......questionable.

We decided we were going to go out later, and of course The Big "O" wants to go to. Then while Ms. Shock Value and I were busy getting ready to go to the mall, The Big "O" asked for Ms. Runway Diva's number....for future hangout purposes......?

...................................................

evening times

..................................................

Meet up at the hotel, and there is still weird flirting going on. I know that The Big "O" feels that he was being friendly, but if you would have replace Ms. Runway Diva with a true chick, it would have been flirting hands down.

Go the Cyclone and all of a sudden The Big "O" has cheese on his mouth. Ms. Runway Diva offered to wipe it off, of course, and The Big "O" allowed him to. Then we took pictures at the table, and The Big "O" and Ms. Runway Diva took a picture together. They put on their shades throw up the peace signs, and The Big "O" puts his arm around Ms. Runway Diva's waist???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sidenote: when I take pictures my first reaction isn't to put my arm around someone's waist, especially someone who could potentially be interested in my treasure palace.>

So Ms. Shock Value and Ms. Runway Diva go the bathroom and The Big "O" tries to tell me to put my friend in check, calm him down. No you calm down! Who leads people on and then doesn't like the reaction they get, illlllnesss.

Then the Big "O" takes the camera and instead of deleting the picture he's embarassed by, ends up deleting all the pictures which is like thousands........ummmm BOO!

A picture says a thousand words, I get that, but you describing your piece is more questionable in my book.

So in the end......I don't know if my homeboi is questioning his sexuality, supressing his sexuality, or just likes attention no matter who it comes from. I know I didn't like the way he disrespected Ms. Runway Diva even thou she didn't do anything to disrespect him or make him uncomfortable.

Does This Happen To You?

While you are applying lip gloss/lip chap,has a guy/girl ever come in your face and applied his/her lip chap/lip gloss?....and this person had on a off white suit with a red bow tie...strangeness

So you have a guy/girl you gave your number to inside the club...you are outside talking to a group of people...then ole dude/girl storms thru the group and attempts to charge you up?

Someone you have never met before hands you a card telling you he wants to manage you...that you should me hosting parties and interviewing celeberties...thinking this man just wants to sign my treasure palace on a dotted line....BOO HIM!!

A person offers to buy you a drink...you refuse...they buy it anyway...then after the club feel they have rights...and blow your phone up like nobodys business...UMM NEGRO PLEASE!

IF THESE RANDOM THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU...WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR....

Saw a Dress.....

"Man that hoe is fly" was my 1st statement.
"ummmm,wonder what that would look like on me???" was my 2nd statement.

Tried the dress on,looked in the mirror,and I thought I could be fab!

I go outside and the attendants felt the fabness...okay...yea...

Showed it to GreatWhiteHype and Ms.Fab and not so much the same reaction.

Inspected the dress further..........

Forgot to say the back was open and cut low to my bootie.

Then I truly felt not so fab,more like hoochie/scandalous/doingtomuch. And that is not the message I'm trying to send.

So,the dress went back on the rack. :( :(

It sucks that a fab dress,put on me,makes me look questionable.

So onward shopping to try and get clothes that just make me look good and sending out the right messages and intentions,lol

Newness

My cousin feels I make too many connections within the club/nightlife. I tried to explain to her, those sometimes tend to be the most interesting situations, or the most surprising. So, since I've been in Houston I haven't gone out. But that hasn't stopped some of the weirdness, unexpectedness, foolishness.

Riding in the car...

Old Man Jones: So this Mercedes is like riding my ass. It's trying to drive up on the lane to the right and left of me, but getting caught up. I'm trying to look thru my mirrors, like what the hell is going on? I see he is kind of attractive, and I'm ok, catch up if you can. Finally he gets up on the left, lets his window down....and.....OMG....HE IS ALL OF 60-70 YEARS OF AGE. I simply shaked my head no, smiled and continued driving. Of course Old Man Jones, wouldn't give up, and followed me 15 more minutes all the way to exit before mine. Thank God, cuz I was not going to let him be able to corner me or nothing.

Bumper Sticker Man: This has happened a couple of times. Pulls up, puts window down, honks horn if I don't notice. Most of the time, he's a cutie. THen he continues down the highway and nasty! If it's not a sticker for his child's elementary school, it's some type of sticker indicating he has a bona-finde family of 5,or something about what he can do to the ladies.......not hot, not attractive. Especially when it is a nice car....a Benz/BMW

Grocery Store (the late night hit ups)

The Worker: So...I guess since it's late at night, they feel they can say anything and everything. There is one however, at the local Walmart, so fine, but so damn rude. If it's not to say somehting about my ass, it's my figure as a whole, then it's the way I walk, what I'm purchasing, where do I live, why am I at Walmart, can we walk with me inside...........iiiilllllllllllllllllllllll

The "Let me get at you for a second/Aye Slow Down": This guy, I swear everytime I decide to slow down, give the guy a chance, give myself a chance I am disapointed. Simply becasue he delivers this line....then....the next line....nothing....awkward silence.

Already Taken Man: Gets my number in Aisle 4. Watches me walk away. Of course I forgot something in Aisle 8. There he is with his gal in Aisle 8. ummmm.......how I know it's his gal, he tries to avoid eye contact or introduce me to the female stranger.

Old Church

ummm......there are no nicknames, all the guys are unavaliable. Baby momma drama, girlfriend drama, hot mess drama........so no availables at the local church-house.

Local Mall

**Youngins**

**Married Men**

**Over the hill and around the way Men**

**Gay Men**

**Metrosexual Men but come off as Gay Men**

**Men who don't know they are Gay Yet**

**Men Who Just Are Not Interested In Me**

**Men of Different Races, who stare/look/smile/comment they think I'm cute, but don't continue the convo**

In the end, I don't think anywhere is just a great place to meet somebody. I think it just depends on the right place at the right time with the right person.

But can I say how Relaxing Houston has been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oooowweeeee

The ill Dirty Talk....

So we all have heard of or experienced the act of "Phone Sex." Well, for the first time in my life, I experienced "Dirty Text Messages/Text Message Sex/Clicking Freaky." What would be a cool name for that?

It was weird. Around 3am I recieved some messages from Jermaine the Lame. The basic, "I miss you" "Where are you?".....then it went to a place that I couldn't quite follow.......

.......at first......

It was almost better than phone sex, I mean the anticipation of the next message coming was crazy.

His creative placement of words.

His speedy response.

His ability to text fast.

Then I thought, this is some bad joke, I can't respond.

I must say, those Romance novels I tend to read came in handy.

It was......Something fun...Something random....Something different......

Don't think I could ever initiate an actual text convo......but ooo wee lol

Not really a turn-on but a great game to play. Especially if you around people and you read the text message and all of a sudden you start blushing and giggling....mischief!

Hats off to Jermaine the Lame for opening up a new door, even thou it's not that new. Wonder what's next........

I'm offended because...

A friend of mine is truly happy that R.Kelly was found not guilty on all of his charges. WTF?? I know the chick was experienced in the video, and fully knew what she was doing, but she was still like 13 years old. Let us not forget Aaliyah was 15 when they had their "marriage." How can you like "I believe I can fly" so much that you would excuse his nastiness? She has lost cool points.

I am no longer in contact with my best friend. That friendship just foolywanged out of control. But it IRKS THE SHIT OUT OF ME, when people ask how she is doing. Knowing damn well I don't know and don't care. Like they get a kick out of seeing my ill facial expression. Then I have to try to fix my face or hold my tongue from saying something out of line.

The Photographer still acts shy around me. What do I have to do, to get him to jump that damn hurdle? I mean we have great convo, he blushes, I blush.....but no.....guess he's taking his time. And I would appreciate a patient guy due to my crazy/spontaneous behavior. OMG, he is a cutie but damn damn damn, when is he going to "take my picture?" And when I say "take my picture" I mean "take my picture."

While I was walking in a parking lot, a car drove by with their windows down. Of course it was some females in their, and they proceeded to have a full out debate about my ass. Umm.....the windows are down....Ummm....my ass is real.....Ummm.....don't hate on the shape......Ummm.....I can't help it moves when I walk, has it's own mind back there. Out of line females. Why is it so hard to believe asses still exist on black girls?

How come at Sting all the groups of black girls have kicked their token white girl out the group and have now accepted an asian chick? So white isn't hot anymore? Asian chicks do it better? I have never seen so many asian chicks hanging with black girls in my life! Made me think do I need to go get my friends from high school, bring them to Dallas, and show them off like a prize??

A girl I know, she's black, said she no longer dates black men. A black man overheard, and told her off. Later I saw him talking to another female, she was not black at all........I don't get it.

There are barely any Cheddars or On The Borders in Houston. Maybe one and they are in random parts. I really could use a margarita, some ribs, and chocolate cake!

Today is Father's Day. I lost my father. Television is showing every fatherly commercial known to man. My homegirl is talking about her ill relationship with her father. My mother wasn't appreciative or understanding when I reached out to her, basically saying she is my father. Just got a message from Mr.Psycho Duck asking if I was ok. So nice right....well I just got the message, which was followed with another message saying I was wrong for not responding. DAMN, can I get some minutes to say thankyou. Annoying. Once again, people being selfish about their motives intentions without giving a flying fuck about my feelings. Goes for the former bestfriend.

Lil Wayne....great CD....random placement and choice of songs....random collaborations.....missing songs I would love to hear....."A Milli" isn't recieving the praise it deserves.....still do better man! Don't tell me you are the greatest, change the date whole bunch of times , and this is what I get, ill!

The Cluster

Lastnight I attended a party with Ms. Diva and Ms. Random (she is called this because she does the most random things ever imagined). The party was wack, so it gave me alot of time to inspect the slim pickings available.

a.) The Short Man: I can't put my finger on it, but the look I get from him makes me nervous. I don't know if he looks at me like a tree, or a king size chocolate bar. When he talkes to me, he has to look me up and down throughout the whole ordeal. I guess sizing me up, debating the height difference, I don't know. Either way, I prefer a man I can look up to...

b.) The "I Thought You Were Married" Man: A guy, who I thought got married last year, sure isn't acting like it. The hugs he gave me were a tad bit different. THe conversations he was having with other females was touchy feeley on a whole different type of touchy feeley level. I remember when he would tote his wife everywhere, now she just done disappeared. Makes me nervous, because if I hadn't of gone to UNT I wouldn't know he was married. Because the ring he forgets to wear doesn't give a clue.....

c.) The "I Am Only Talking To You Because My Homeboi Is Talking To Your Friend" Man: Umm....you don't have to! And then when I don't tune into his wack/meaningless conversation, dude gets offended. We both know that if homegirl wasn't talking to your homeboi, you either wouldn't have the confidence to talk to me, or would just look then look the other way. Just needs to stop! Let us not waste eachtoher's time is my motto. And to be honest.....not interested lol!

d.) The "You Need To Smile/Why Won't You Smile" Man: I have talked about this one before. I don't get it. Is that the only line, opening line, you think that would work? Can I get a bit more effort? Guess I am asking for too much. THen want to have a whole convo about how I don't smile, why I am not smiling, what can happen for me to smile, the evaluaiton of the smile......boo!

e.) T.O.: I am not a fan of this football player. First of all, who has a party and then shows up wearing pajamas. Ms. Diva tried to tell me it was some type of linen outfit, hell no. Linen isn't that relaxed. THen had the nerve to be flooding. How do you have millions of dollars T.O. and can't afford to get your linen/pjs tailored? Then walked around the party with his bodyguard....ummmm why do you need a bodyguard? You are not Will Smith, a type of celebrity who could get swarmed. What was funny, was that people didn't even recognize him. Maybe because of the tacky outfit, or the fact he was bigger than his bodyguard, or the fact he was walking around with a stick up his ass. Ummm BOO! I feel like people shouldn't throw parties if they can't do a good job.

f.) Mr. "I Am Going To Stare At You And Walk By You And Not Talk To You But Stare You Down" Man: Just stop the madness. You are making me nervous and fearful of you. I am having to look over my back when I should be concentrating on my dance moves. You could have the opportunity to talk to me, but you are showcasing stalkerish tendencies......wee-oh wee-oh

The party was wack, but it did give me time to really think about what type of man I want and what type of woman I need to be for him.

Answer to previous comment......."Where do I meet these individuals?"

Well, the men mentioned in this blog were at a party. But some guys have been from social functions, to friendship connections, to random encounters.

Drawbacks

Junior Junior Junior: could become Mr. Psyco Junior. Well, he just makes me nervous. Decided to come to Houston, chill with my moms, and made sure not to tell him. I don't want to run into him, don't want to hear him run his mouth (ooo wee can he talk), don't want to have to look at him really. He isn't the same guy anymore. I no longer see him as confident. He is simply egotistical and off and on insecure. I no longer see the cool, in control guy. I see someone who trips on insignificant details. Umm, boo, don't support the craziness.
But I think he has a sixth sense. Negro has been calling me and sending uncomfortable text messages.....One said "Can you draw?" ummm.......desperate for a response he didn't get. THen I got some words about how I didn't respond to the text messages, and therefore I am......Disrespectful. The balls he thinks he has to say that. I give up. I walk away....really a good run.

Mr. Psycho Duck: Apparently still reads the blog. So, I can't freely express how I feel about that subject. He gets a kick out of seeing his name and I guess reading the foolishness that he does.

Mr. Miami: so excited.....Miami here I come. Time to go into my alter ego of.....Amber, lol. Same ole same ole. I just want to sit by the beach, eat, drink cocktails, get toasted, eat some more, take a quick nap, and go out, party, and come back to Texas, lol!
This guy is older, but wiser. I like him, he's easy to talk to , we have alot in common, he hasn't shown any stalker/scary tendencies (YEA). His friends are cool. He's not flashy. Umm, did I say he is CUBAN!!

Jermaine the Lame: don't know what's going on in that department, but all I know is nothing. He seems in then he seems out. He's available and then becomes unavailable. Taking it slow has seemed to be the best key, but I still have the feeling.....that this negro is married. I haven't heard from him in a minute, so the decision to stop calling and stop liking him is cool. Kind of sucks, cuz he was shaping up for potential.
And he refuses to send me picture of his hair. He is in the beginning stages of getting his dreads, I want to see the damage, if it's good or bad. Uhh, I hope they are alright. But it doesn't matter, homeboi is still in Chicago.

Really....DID THE FOLLOWING ISH REALLY HAPPEN......OHH and the following is not for children.....

A guy I used to talk to...

Nothing serious....

Hung out with him and my friends after a night out...

At his condo....

I recieved some special treatment.....

Then one friend and I went on a food run....

While on the food run......

He gave my other a friend a special treatment....

Got back with the food....

While we ate, we debated politics......

Obama vs. Clinton.....

Umm....

He can't vote......

Some downtime occurred....

He offered special treatment to my other friend....

She turned it down....

While on the way home....

Me and friend found out our similar experience.....

We laughed....

Other friend sulked....

No Special Treatment For Her.......

Junior Junior

Called me around 11pm,about something that happened 1 month ago.

THE SOMETHING: I went to a pool hall to hang with my Hooters Crew. Turns out Junior was there,wearing this black suit. I was already on the phone talking to Ms.Princess when I arrived. While in convo,he came over,said a few things,we hugged,he went back to his reserved spot.
HIS ISSUE: I didn't do enough. I somehow should've done better....?
MY IRRITATION: Calling me a month later on some bullshit. Thinking he deserves attention/affection/effort and we've never been on a date or dated officially. We shared a kiss....and it wasn't like a kiss that I would change my name over. I wasn't there for him. I don't support PDA or encouragement of weird uncomfortable situations with guys who wear black suits in a pool hall.

I don't support the foolishness. I can't understand why he thought I would get off the phone,or stop drinking my marvelous long island iced tea to stroke his ego or take up time. BOO!

If I would of held off cooking my maple sugar bacon I wouldn't have heard all of the shitty shit coming out of his mouth. Damn me and my attention to food. Might I suggest to everyone to go out and buy some maple sugar bacon....umm!!

ONCE AGAIN, THIS IS NOT SOMEONE I TALK TO OR TEXT. JUST RANDOMNESS HE DECIDED TO COOK UP ON A TUESDAY NIGHT.

Then his idiotic ass called his voicemail,while I'm on the phone,so I could hear a message from Ms.Princess. Um duh, Ms.Priness is my bestfriend,I know all about it. I also know about all the pathetic text messages and phone calls you have sent her even though you know she is dating your homeboi.

While licking the butter off the knife...

So, this honey butter is just delicious. The bread and crackers in my house are not safe. Which means I am still staying 500 feet away. I guess you could call this Day 2 if I was in a "program."

And thanks to the comments,they helped in my treatment,lol.

I must take it back to the word "bitchassness."
My apts: while I'm taking a nap,I get a notice at like 4:30pm dated back from May. Telling me I have 24 hours to pay an amount. I can't call the manager,because she is already out the door...predictable. Not helping!
Mr. Psycho Duck: read the blog and I guess it didn't meet his standards....umm my truth remember,my blog! I don't get why people read the blog knowing they are in it and then disagree with my opinion. Well, he claims he's not going to read anymore,holla!! I won't have to receive random text messages from him. And then have to blog about it.
BottleMan: thought he was going to be a potential "keeper", but he's turning out to be a potential "scary!" For my birthday I had planned on getting a bottle but the club was giving me the runaround. So I ended up staying at home watching movies (I mean I had partied enough already). Ohh, I had mentioned to him about my troubles. The next day he tells me he got me a table and bottles........LATE MUCH? And had the nerve to cop an attitude,your fault. Maybe a call or text would've been nice to let me know of the gift. Well, he continues to call/text, back me into a corner. I don't like being made feel guilty, or being showered with stuff for someone's EGO!! You would think an older businessman would have more sense when trying to earn a younger woman's attention!
NBC/MSNBC: the way they attack Senator Clinton is disgusting. Anything she says, or any action she takes is too weak or too aggressive. They fail to acknowledge the shortcomings of Obama or the many times he has contradicted himself. They fail to inform the power Mccain has on potentially shutting down the Obama Train of Change. Most people who are down for politics now, don't truly understand politics. Everyone has forgotten that Gore lost even thou he won the popular vote.......

BITCHASSNESS..............

So, even with my apartment complex trying to take all my money, I am thankful. That I have a few dollaz to buy honey butter, that honey butter makes me happier than any man,and I have somewhere to sit down and spread my honey butter on bread.

Old habits tend to die hard!!

It sucks when you get bored...and think to entertain yourself...with foolish situations...with people you should keep at least 500 hundred feet away.

Lately my life consists of the basics. Fulfilling but not provacative. I should be enjoying the peace more than I am, but an itty bitty part of me (not my titties for you jokesters), is looking for something. What, I don't know.

I know I shouldn't be looking in the direction of Mr. Psycho Duck, or any of the Nigerians listed in my phone as "Don't Answer", or Shortie Glow. But sometimes when I'm not eating,sleeping,reading.surfing,dancing,talking....u get it...my evil mind plays tricks on me and encourages me to stir it up. TRAGIC. I blame my imagination on my only-child-existence.

Mr. Psycho Duck brought a lot of heaven and hell in my life,nothing in between. Black and white and no damn grey. Decided to reach out to him after I found out, well he informed me he knew of my blog. (and he's killing me at 29,tear) Found out more about his adventures with his dick while we were in our "situation." Found out 1 situation that actually hurt. I planned on fun convos and more proof he is truly psycho. But what I got was a realization of what our "situation" really was,basically his funny story/my tragedy. So...I learned...curiosity is a killa...and Mr. Psycho Duck's is a career mind fucker. That is not a compliment Kendrick.

The Nigerians...well they are a group/gang/organization in Dallas. Drama is what they brought to my life and continue to do so. I know not all Nigerian men are like them: obsessed, aggressive,mean,controlling,extremely passionate,gossipers...But there were times I felt safe, happy and even lucky with them all in the mixer. Saw Shortie Fat Fuck/Shortie Doo Whop and it was so uncomfortable. It's taking all of me to not make it easier, call him, listen to his argument,turn it around on him, and WHALA! But I've learned....thru many signals/signs/events, that I would signing over my honor (couldn't think of another word lol). So I haven't made the call,thanks to the groceries I just bought,so lets hope I remain smart.

Shortie Glow has a crush on me. Has had one for a long time. I used to, but the chemistry wasn't there. We went on a date, spent the whole day together, went to sleep,nothing happened,nothing was tried,and everytime thereafter we ran/run into eachother it's weird. He throws parties and has never put me on the list, hooked me up in some kind of way, or even like a drink. But when the All White Party came around, he told me days later he wouldve put me on the list, which meant I wouldn't have had to pay 100. Umm late! And if he wanted me there, could you invite me, say you want to see me, anything? Not saying I deserve it but damn can I get an offer? I don't know if it is the race difference but he steps to me like a nervous middle schooler. I need a guy to talk it straight, not beat around the bush or be scared to flirt/engage/entice/shit something...People I am thinking of testing him out. Even though I know a lot is missing between me and him. I haven't gotten a free dinner lately,ohh that's bad to say,lol. Great to have someone into me, but I want to be into them. I don't want to play and pretend, I want to enjoy and have fun.

I know I need to stay away from the above subjects. I know that I am too addicted to this honey butter I just got. I know I am a work in progress and this blog is my outlet.
But...........

Freedom...I want it!

I hate what certain men did to me. I mean I hate what I allowed myself to feel because of them,what I allowed to happen. As much as I contemplate the pros and cons of a stable relationshp, I contemplate having options just as much. It's just at some point options decide to become selfish, get feelings involved, demand for me to reveal my inner-Amber, make rules, etc. And I'm left wondering what happened to the agreement of freedom and understanding.

Watching Sex and the City the character of Carrie made me question "love and serious/committed relationships." How can the same love that made you complete, be the same love that breaks your heart, then be the same love that forgives the pain? The character of Samantha made me realize the importance of a strong relationshp with yourself regardless of someone else's livelihood.

But sexual/situations/relationship freedom makes women look like whores/sluts/hoes. And men look like pimps/The Man/playas.

And I mean......

1. I miss traveling to MIA to visit Mr.Bentley,but he switched it up on me. Wanted to confess his "newfound love", wanted me to become in love with him, become devoted to his existence. While he devoted his love to who knows who and who knows how many. Why did I have to rework my life so that we could continue our happiness? Why did I have to love a man in order to spend quality time and experience life? I have great/treasured memories of him...until reality and my honesty wasn't good enough. I became worthless in his eyes because I couldn't lie. WTF??!!

2. I miss when Short Fat Fuck/Shortie Doo Whop accepted my place in his life as "party girl." As time went on, he had to have more. I never gave him an inch of hope I would be his next baby momma,ill! Now I am a hoe/slut/whore in his eyes. Thursday night the look he gave me was pure hatred. I could feel when he would be behind me, I mean hate was hitting my back. I'm hurt because I was honest and now that Fat Fuck is whispering round on me. Bet he wouldn't like me to whisper to the authorities. Damn the day I find someone worth trying out and he knows Q or Q finds out. Q should have stayed my friend. I honestly cared for him but OH WELL!!

3. I miss when Lemon Drop (my homebois fav shot) looked at me and treated me as a friend. Now sex pops up in the convo frequently and he sends signals that he's hung and ready. Ummmmmmm.........no. I've been honest that I see him as a friend, so why does he feel the need to make it uncomfortable?

SO 24 IS MORE LONELY AND BORING THAN 23. BUT 23 WAS CONFUSING AND BLINDING. HOPEFULLY PSYCHO,JERMAINE THE LAME, AND/OR THE NEXT ONE WILL BRING MORE HAPPY LESSONS FOR ME.

p.s. can I attribute my weight loss to loss of sexual healing? LOL! Enjoy your day!

I wouldn't mind being his sweetie pie bcuz.....

1. I've never liked being called pet names. But something about the way he said it made me flutter a bit. I DON'T FLUTTER.
2. When I go to certain places, I can be on his arm. I can dance,do whatver and feel comfortable. I'm not confused on what could happen today or tomorrow. It's time spent worth remembering. I MUST SAY HE HAS BEEN WORTH MY TIME,just the conversations are fulfilling!
3. I wouldn't have to be bothered with the ongoing drama of certain Nigerian men in Dallas.
4. I wouldn't have to wear my fake engagement ring anymore.

To bad the man that calls me sweetie pie is currently away. So hopefully he will arrive at DFW soon.

Guess what I heard tonight....
1. Can you be my Cinderella?
2. Who's the background on your phone,she's sexy,can I get your number or hers?
3. Smile and give me a chance?
4. We have the same phone...lets exchange numbers
5. So where's your man? Can I be your man? Why don't you have a man? Can I be your friend? Well let me just take you out to a nice dinner? Take my number and give me a call when your ready. Ok let me take your number and check in with you.........this man would not stop the QUESTIONS!
6. I want you to slow down so I can talk to you. Oh you won't slow down? Man fuck you then!
7. Are you a model? You should be a model. You really don't model?

In the end, I should've stayed at home. Hiding in my room reading, or dancing to the music channels. I love to dance,have a drink or two. But I hate all the enjoyment that has been sucked out of my fun times at the night establishments. It's like nobody wants to let go. They want to be seen,do too much,and cause a ruckus.

.........he called me sweetie pie,made me smile,and gave me a slither of hope......to finally breathe and be comfortable with 1 person and not worry bout the worst of worst.....

Lacking Answers

Why do people wake up suddenly, and decide to enter your life, then when you try to give it a chance, back up?

~~~~

How come I found a guy that could work, that I'm willing to take a chance on, and he is like 5 feet tall? I mean without heels I am taller than him. It's just weird and uncomfortable. I feel like if I ever sat on his lap, I would crush him.

~~~~~

When will a guy forgive me for not wanting to move in with him and take it slow? I mean a stable relationship and chilling in a big house in Mesquite is appealing, but.....all that comes with it....not hot. I've tried to at least open up a pathway and he is not having it. I know if I asked him to forgive me and yelped I'm ready, he would have his truck at my apartment picking up my clothes. Uh....!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~

I wish friends would give credit to me for not talking to their boos when they try to holla at me. And I wish those same friends would try not to talk to any of my boos behind my back. At least let me know, give me a clue, not set up an operation and I find out later. I mean I might have been able to make it easier. But I guess it is what it is.

~~~~~~~

Changing numbers frequently gets on my nerves (not me, people who do that). And I hate when those folks call and get mad when you don't recognize the number nor voice. I hate having to save that new number, and go delete the old number. I hate when people call asking for the new number, and you don't know if you can give it out or not. I wish I could change my number, but it took me so long to memorize it. So I have had it since high school. LOL

~~~~~~~~
But at the end of the day, life is good. I've been able to take even more time to myself, get my head together, get away from folks. WHile they sitting over there plotting on my ass, I am able to rest. I swear two of my closest friends hit me with a spray of emotional bullets. But due to my new found strength, it hurt just a bit. While my ex is cooking up new ways to mind fuck me, I release my energy into all the books that I am reading, my exercising, hunting for a new job, the usual. I appreciate the options and the adventures, but I can't wait till they are positive. Where I write a blog about a great date, a great coversation, a great guy who makes me sit back and think DAMN lol
Have a good day. And remember, IT'S TIME FOR TURKEY SANDWICHES!!

It Goes A Little Something Like This....

Been containing a lot of my thoughts inside. I tend to do that, not a good thing I must say. But there have been many changes and bullshit and confusion to where it hasn't been easy to blog.

But let me just spill about the following freaks of nature:

(1) Bottom Lip: thinks he is the man because he knows how to put a sentence together. I mean he thinks that talking the way he does, just makes him fine/sexy/hot/attractive/wanted/needed.....and he was none of those ( I cannot lie he looks good just too skinny). I mean he was so light skinned I thought he was glowing, I mean he was. It wasn't the bacon grease around his mouth, it was just his skin, good skin, just to glowy for me, lol. ANd the fact that I could respond to his creative sentences, just got him all hot bothered. So I played along because I was bored at the IHOP. Talked to him on the phone afterward and I swear I could feel him getting horny thru the phone. And it made me wonder, what females do you talk to? Not happening, I don't support it!

(2) Short Fat Fuck/Shortie Doo Whop: set me up, put me in a horrible situation, and then expected me to continue to give him the time of day. LIke I know I am not the baddest, but I know I am fulfulling a favor by putting up with hotmess. So I say I don't want to talk to him anymore, and he can't accept that. But when I talk to another male, and he finds out, all of a sudden I am horrible, he doesn't want to talk to mme, I am a whore/slut/hoe and so on and so on. Like get a life, wack word usage doesn't hurt my feelings, and I still don't feel bad or want you. Illl (nasty sound) if I have to run into him. I ahven't, and it's been a blessing.

(3) Potential SugarDaddy: I don't know what is going on in his life, but glad he is still in the potential status. He has his hot days and his cold days. Either day it makes me nervous.

(4) Grown Ass Man/Dule: still calls randomly. Will never say he misses me, but will say where have you been, why havn't I heard from you, you just came across my mind, I don't know why I called....and he continues. It's like bullshit, admit it, and since you can't the conversation will remain less that 2minutes. I don't need my feelings getting all in a motion because you decided to give me seconds/minutes of your life. I deserve more and I deserve better.

(5) My Mother: I know it is wrong to call her a freak of nature, but she's been acting freakish lately. I mean her fear of staying in the house and being safe has transferred into fear of Amber's whereabouts. I mean I get calls, her friends are calling. I can't take it! I tried to stay in Houston with her, but she started making me paranoid. I know she went thru a crazy scary experience, but damn her behavior made it more scary. I wasn't tripping about staying there, until when I wen t to sleep and she was coming in my room at least 3-4 times to check on me. Or every noise she shouts out my name. Scary Scary Scary!!! I am going to go home in a couple of weeks, gotta be there for her, but damn I am jumpy in my apt here, TEAR!

(6) My BestFriend: don't know if we are even still friends. I haven't heard from her ever since I said I couldn't afford to go to her Moving Away/Going Away party. I mean the tickets are $100 and that was presale. Then it's an all white party so I would have to get something to wear. That's at least $50 - $100. I said I coudlnt afford it, and I got hit with some rude ass text messages. Tear my life. I was sad that day, because it was like calling out an insecurity. But I talked it out (w/myself), then talked it out with another homegirl to see if I was tripping, watched Lifetime, and realized that even if I had $100 it wouldn't go to a party. I love shoes too much. There are a pair of shoes that I really really want for that price, well a bit nmore expensive. I don't know.

(7) John Mccain: you are too old to run for president.

(8) Kendrick Dennis: how do you know about this blog? I mean you are one FBI/CIA kind of nigga. I just know by the age of 32 you will have killed me or have attempted to kill me. Either way Adam has the rights to write my Lifetime Movie......MOMENT OF TRUTH: The Amber Clark Story LOL. How you still make me laugh and smile....so weird but sweet huh? (Whoa is me, I'm a victim)

(9) Braxton Williams: I want you to forget I existed. NO I didn't call you on my birthday, or check in when I returned to Houston. NO I didn't change my schedule when you got off work. NO NO NO do I owe you anything. And at some point in your life you sould realize that. Still you are my first puppy love.

(10) Jermaine the Lame: for being the type of guy I didn't know I would truly like and be interested in. It sucks how I came to find out he's engaged, and now he isn't, and it's still ill (nasty sound). I know we get along great, have more in common than any other guy I have ever had interest in. I can stay on the phone with him for hours, talking, not just sitting on the phone. He truly makes me laugh, not that fake laugh people hear when they are sucky not funny. I love how I kind of get excited when I hear his ringtone ring, the chance at seeing him, the compliments he dishes out, smiling....But I know we could never be serious, be to weird.

That's about it for right now....Have a great day!